Reggie's Scrapbook

Jedi Apprentice: Inspiration Excersize

2009-03-05T20:33:04Z

A/N: I’ve been trying for days to get my creative juices flowing enough to write some Jedi Apprentice fan fiction, and it hasn’t been working. So, I’m resorting to the old stand-by: Turn on iTunes, his play, and see what happens.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the songs and I don’t own the Jedi. I’m just not that talented.

Summary: Ten song inspired Jedi drabbles. Fluffy Qui-and-Obi non-slash.

Songs of the Heart
By: Reggie

“Brave”: Idina Menzel: I Stand

Obi-Wan’s hands shook ever so slightly around the hilt of his light saber, but he tightened his grip. He couldn’t run away, even if he was just a child. Master Qui-Gon was counting on him. He couldn’t run, he couldn’t back down and leave his Master.

The older Jedi was lying on the ground limply behind him, the blood from a nasty head-wound mingling with the pouring rain. Obi-Wan’s blue blade was the only light around for miles. He could not see his opponents, except for their eyes glowing in the dark.

“You won’t have him!” The young Jedi cried, defiant. Strong. He’d never fought so many alone before, but he had no choice. Qui-Gon was counting on him. “I will not let you.”
His blade was whirling, evaporating raindrops, as the creatures pounced.

“Invisible”: Taylor Swift: Taylor Swift

He knew it was wrong to hate returning to the temple, but the thirteen-year-old apprentice couldn’t help it.

When they were out on missions, Qui-Gon’s focus was on him. He was always teaching the young Jedi, guiding him. And no, it wasn’t ideal because Qui-Gon barely opened up to the young man at all, but Obi-Wan could believe, when they were outside the temple, that eventually that would change. That someday he and Qui-Gon would be as connected as Padawans and Masters were supposed to be.

When they returned home, however, other priorities stepped forward. Like Tahl. Qui-Gon was so open with her, smiling and laughing in a way he never did with Obi-Wan.

Jealousy was unseemly of a Jedi, and the boy knew it, but he couldn’t help envying her the closeness to the center of Obi-Wan’s whole world.

“Taking Chances”: Celine Dion: Taking Chances

Overwhelmed was not a strong enough word for what Qui-Gon felt; he just didn’t know another one.

Was this to fast? He certainly felt like it was. He wasn’t ready for another Padawan, and he didn’t really know much of anything about this boy. Besides, he still had a Padawan that he loved very dearly.

The problem was that Qui-Gon didn’t feel like he really had a choice in the matter. Something had to be done, or they would lose this boy, and the Force was all but screaming at him that the child had a great destiny ahead of him. He had to do this, for more than just himself.

He gently ruffled Anakin’s lose blonde hair and stood to walk to the door. Obi-Wan was standing there. He’d obviously been waiting for him, but Qui-Gon couldn’t stand to look up and see the hurt in those eyes he loved so well.

How could he tell the young man how sorry he was, and still keep on the path he must follow?

He couldn’t. So he didn’t.

“You Don’t Bring Me Flowers”: Barbra Streisand: Barbra Streisand’s Greatest Hits Volume 2

Qui-Gon brushed passed him without so much a glance, leaving the sleeping boy and his wounded apprentice.

For a few heartbeats, Obi-Wan felt like he was twelve-years-old again. The little boy that nobody had wanted. Doubts that the young Jedi had thought he’d put behind him years ago resurfaced with a vengeance. Of course Qui-Gon would jump at the chance for a better, more promising apprentice. Who wouldn’t, after being stuck with him so long? Most of the younglings that had become Padawans the same time Obi-Wan did had already become Knights, or…

Obi-Wan knew, only too well, why he wasn’t a Knight yet. His biggest flaw was attachment. He hadn’t asked Qui-Gon, pushed him at all, to allow him to take the trials. He hadn’t wanted to let go of his Master. Not yet. He still couldn’t bring himself to face the possibility.

Qui-Gon had grown weary of his childishness, it seemed.

“River Below”: Billy Talent: Billy Talent

His Padawan was sick, was dying, because of the monster in front of him. That…that thing…had nearly cost him everything. He was just a little boy, barely sixteen. A child, still, no matter what Obi-Wan thought of himself. How could he do that to a child? How had he not seen that he was pushing the boy to his limits?

Qui-Gon wanted his revenge, more than he ever had before. If Obi-Wan died, there would be no one to blame but the man standing in front of him.

Before the Master could regain control of his emotions, release them into the Force, his fist lashed out. The mirror shattered on impact.

“Beyond My Wildest Dreams”: Cast: The Little Mermaid: Original Broadway Cast

They all had theories what it was like to be a Padawan, and have that kind of connection with another being.

None of the theories that Obi-Wan had heard as a child were even close to the oneness, the sensation of belonging, that Obi-Wan had with Qui-Gon.

They were one person, twisting and dodging, Qui-Gon blocking what Obi-Wan could not, as Obi-Wan’s advanced saber techniques cut down droid after droid. There was no thought, no discussion. It was not necessary.

He didn’t know if this was how it was for other teams, but for Obi-Wan it didn’t matter. He couldn’t have wished for anything more.

“Stay With You”: Goo Goo Dolls: Let Love In

“You shouldn’t be here, Padawan.” Qui-Gon said, walking briskly down the halls of the temple.

“I know,” was all the boy said, running to keep up with Qui-Gon’s much longer strides.

“I was the one who went against the council. It is my punishment to bear.”

“Forgive me, Master, but when you tried to send me back I would not go.” Obi-Wan’s face, always looking so much younger than his nineteen years, stared evenly back at him. “I am to be faulted for my defiance as you are, and will accept my part of the punishment as well.”

In spite of himself, Qui-Gon smiled. It was always easier to face the wrath of the council when Obi-Wan was beside him. He was certain that, somehow, the boy knew that.

“Dreaming of You”: Celine Dion: Falling Into You

This was not what Obi-Wan had wanted.

Even when Qui-Gon had pushed him away in favor of Anakin, he had never wished this, even in his darkest thoughts.

The braid was cut for him, not by his beloved Master, but by Master Windu. He was close to Qui-Gon, had been part of Obi-Wan’s childhood so long, but he was not who the young Padawan—Knight—wanted right now.

He placed the braid in Obi-Wan’s hand, and trembling fingers closed around it.

Gone. It hadn’t hit Obi-Wan, really, until right then. Qui-Gon was not here, would not be here, never again.

“You must now look to the future, Knight Kenobi,” Mace whispered, the formal words holding so much more weight in this moment. “Leave your childhood behind, and let it go.”

He was supposed to, right then, but Obi-Wan found he could not. He could not release Qui-Gon so easily, and a part of him knew he never would.

“Dreams to Dream”: Linda Ronstadt: Linda Ronstadt (Box Set)

When his foot brushed something that was alive on the foot of his bed, Qui-Gon’s eyes immediately shot open in surprise. He was more than certain that whatever was there had not been when he went to bed, which meant that it had come in, and why hadn’t he woken up?

Once he twisted to get a good look, ready to attack if need be, the Jedi Master quickly saw why the Force had not warned him of any danger. His Padawan, looking so much younger than his thirteen years, had curled up on the foot of his bed. No doubt, the young boy had come in sometime during the night and intended to leave before Qui-Gon woke up, but had fallen asleep in that horribly uncomfortable position.

Qui-Gon ran a hand over the short ginger locks, wondering what had brought the child in. A fragment of a dream, his own dream, floated back to him—a twisted face and a red saber. The child must have sensed his dark visions, and come in to check on him.

The older Jedi couldn’t help the affectionate smile that crossed his face, and gently moved the young boy so he was sleeping on the still warm pillow. He barely stirred with the movement, not quite waking. Qui-Gon smiled again, amazed at the trust this little heart had so readily placed in him. “Sleep well, my Obi-Wan.”

“Yes, Master,” the child murmured, not really awake, but answering him anyway.

“That’s When I Love You”: Phil Vassar: Phil Vassar

“What do you like most about your Master?” Bant had asked. It was an idle question, said carelessly. Certainly not meant to send Obi-Wan into the kind of soul searching agony that it had. She had simply asked because Obi-Wan had been moping, since Qui-Gon had been sent on a mission without him for the first time in years.

The thing was, Obi-Wan had no answer for her. There wasn’t just one thing he liked best about his Master. He liked it when his Master laughed. When he was correcting him, but would soften harsh words with a gentle almost tickling with the Force. Liked the way he would listen to Obi-Wan’s questions and doubts, considering them all carefully.

He knew that Qui-Gon wasn’t perfect—he could be just as stubborn and impatient as Obi-Wan himself was, sometimes—but he was as close as a person could get, as far as Obi-Wan was concerned. How was he supposed to think of just one thing he liked?

After about fifteen minutes of agonized pondering, Obi-Wan finally spoke slowly, “what I like best about my Master…is how much he loves me.”

Bant thought that was the best possible answer.

Sayuri Bio

2008-12-27T20:53:44Z

kita_the_spaz did one for her character Shimo...so I decided I wanted to make one for Sayuri too. It's always a good thing to have, don't you think? Feel free to use it for anything you want to make me with Sayuri in it ;) (j/k j/k...kinda.)

Hatake Sayuri

Parents: Hatake Kakashi (Father) and Umino Iruka (Daddy)

Age: 12 (although she's fairly similar all ages...^^; )

Hair: Red-brown, kept short, always wild with a cow-lick leaning towards the left.

Eyes: Also red-brown, but more red then brown.

Weight: 95 lbs (43 kg)

Height: 4.9" (149.35 cms)

Identifying marks: A mole on the bottom of her left foot, and one behind her right ear.

Likes: Playing tricks, training, cookies, miso soup, following her Oniichan around.

Dislikes: Being protected, being told no, pork, candy, Jiraiya

Fears: Disappointing those she cares about. Bugs.

Attire: Sayuri always wears clothes that are too big for her, usually blues and blacks. She always has something with the symbol for ocean on it, either her shirt or the locket her Oniichan gave her when she was six. She also has a blue jacket with a henohenomoheji on it that her father made for her.

Summons: She desperatly wants to learn to summon ninken of her own, but her father is always telling her she is to young. Bull is her constant companion and self-appointed gaurdian.

Skills: Extremely skilled at genjutsu, even from a very young age. Slightly above-average chakra reserves for someone her age, but not the highest. Strong in taijutsu, but not nearly as skilled in regular ninjutsu.

Personality: Headstrong and a rebel at heart, Sayuri is constantly the center of trouble. Though she isn't mean spirited at all, she's unhappy without something going on, and often takes it on herself to create chaos. She is a master of the innocent look that gets her out of trouble with everyone but those close to her, which tends to make her a little spoiled.

Even though she is horribly stubborn and gets angry when things don't go the way she wants them to, Sayuri is also incredibly loyal. It is difficult to gain her trust, but once you do she is as faithful a friend as anyone could ask. Like Naruto, she seems to have no fear that she will not overcome when she has to, and she is more than willing to lay down her life for her friends and family if she needs to-- though she will not go down easily!

Being who she is-- daughter of Rokudaime Hokage, the Princess of the Blue Isles, "younger sister" of the Kyuubi-- she and her team (her Jounin sensei is Konohamaru) are not allowed to leave the village walls. This is her greatest frustration in life.

Writer Seeking Collabers

2008-12-26T19:02:49Z

I have a story idea that I think NEEDS to be a graphic novel! I could write it as a regular story, but I think this one is so much better.

I'm looking for people willing to put out approximately 15-18 pages every two weeks, like an actual manga release. Ideally, it would be every week, but I understand we're students and not full time comic artists. I CANNOT PAY ANYONE, so this is mostly for building your portfolio.

What I need for this project is a pencil artist, an inker, and a letterer.

If you are interested in any of these positions, contact me for further details either via note here, or by e-mailing me at either beeppedersen at hotmail dot com or kairukashi at yahoo dot com. Please be sure to remember to include something about a graphic novel in your subject, or I'm liable to miss it.

Thanks guys, and I hope to hear from a whole bunch of you!

Writer's Block: Top Dog

2008-12-14T23:37:11Z

What kind of dog (counting mixes and mutts) gets your vote as the champion of dogs?

View 500 Answers

Reggie votes the King Charles Cavalier Spaniel. Sweet, warm, friendly, and cuddly. Best dog ever.

Song Meme....contest....thing...

2008-12-12T02:42:04Z

Stole this from

gossamerstarsxx . Because it sounded like fun, and I need something fun to do.

I warn you though, my roommate has compared listening to my music to listening to the local country station :D. What can I say? I'm a country girl.

*Also featuring Soundtracks!*

So, basically, what I'm going to do is give you the first line of 20 songs from my iPod (I'm just going to shuffle it and take what 20 songs come up). You guess the song, and no cheating by using Google or something like that .

Band/artist name OR song name OR album (or all three) are fine.

You can guess up to five songs, and get five drabbles.

Request Rules:
1) I'll take Avatar, TMNT, Naruto, Thunderbirds, National Treasure, Harry Potter...or any fandom I have but have forgotten. I'm cool with most pairings (excluding incest or teacher/student) but definitly more skilled at the ones I do often than others.
2) Nothing above a PG-13 rating. I just...don't. Sorry guys.
3) Any KakaIru requests will be shared with the class. Just so you know.
~~4) Anyone that guesses #5 automatically gets two requests, because that one is rather obscure.~~

SONGS:

1) ~~We were 18/ It was prom night/ We had our first big fight~~ "I'll Walk" Bucky Covington (Neko)

2) I never thought that I could be so satisfied / Every time that I look in your angel eyes / A shock inside me that words just can't describe

3) I've been sittin' here staring at the clock on the wall / And I've been layin' here prayin' / Prayin' she won't call

4) ~~She's thinking about what her kids are doing / Five miles away it's almost time for bed / They're brushing teeth and hearing one more story / And in the mirror, she paints her lips bright red~~ "Dancin' For The Groceries" Kenny Chesney (Kita)

5) ~~Sure as sun turns to moon, you'll be with us / Always here, protecting us still / You will / I know you will~~ "Sun and Moon" Tarzan: Broadway Musical (alstarryn)

6) ~~What if we were meant to be together (mmhmm) / What if you were meant to be the one?~~ "Right Next to the Right One" Celine Dion (alstarryn)

7) ~~There were no angry words at all / As we carried boxes down the hall/ One by one we put them in your car~~ "For My Broken Heart" Reba McEntire (Kita)

8) ~~I'm nothing special / In fact I'm a bit of a bore / When I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before~~ "Thank You For the Music" Mamma Mia Soundtrack (Kita)

9) Born the middle son of a farmer / And a small town southern man / Like his Daddy's daddy before him / brought up working on the land

10) ~~Watch my life pass me by in the rearview mirror / Pictures frozen in time are becoming clearer~~ "What's Left of Me" Nick Lachey (Kita)

11) Born from silence, silence full of it / A perfect concert, my best friend / So much to live for, so much to die for / If only my heart had a home

12) In a crooked little town / They were lost and never found / Fallen leaves, fallen leaves / Fallen leaves on the ground

13) ~~In your arms, I can still feel the way you want me / When you hold me, I can still the words you whispered when / You told me I can stay right here forever in your arms~~. "Forever and Always" Shania Twain (Neko)

14) The strands in your eyes, the color them wonderful / Stop me and steal my breath. / And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky / never revealing their depth .

15) ~~One day when I came home at lunchtime / I heard a funny noise. / Went out to the backyard to find out if it was / One of those rowdy boys.~~ "Year 3000" Busted (Neko)

16) ~~My gift is my song / And this one's for you / And you can tell everybody / That this is your song~~ "Your Song" Moulin Rouge Soundtrack OR Elton John (animemetoo)

17) See the moon slink down in the sky, darling / Let your fantasies fly, darling / Life is cold / And the game is old.

18) I could lose my heart tonight / If you don't turn and walk away. / Cause the way I feel / I might lose control and let you stay.

19) They say I'm too young to really understand / They say I'm too old to be where I am / They say just fit in, you'll be just fine / But I can't buy the lie

20) Foolish heart looks like we're here again / Same old game of plastic smile / Don't let anybody in / Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break?

Random note: 6, 10, 13, 18, and 20 are all on my KakaIru playlist :D.

Christmas Festival: Day 4: Pajamas

2008-12-05T06:02:05Z

Title: Christmas with the Hatakes (4/25)
Author: Reggie (kairukashi, ode2sokka, Princess Tyler Briefs...among other such names)
Genre: Festival fluff!
Rating: G
Word count: 957

Now that we’ve had fun with Kakashi, let’s add Naruto and Iruka to the mix! Sorry this is so short, I kind of ran out of time. I had more to say, but all of it had spoilers to Kingdom of Secrets and I AM going to finish that so I didn’t want them here.

December 4th: Pajamas

Normally, Iruka would never have taken Naruto shopping. He’d learned when the boy was eleven that he and stores were like similar charges—they repelled each other quite spectacularly. And usually quite messily. If the store owners weren’t angrily making sure Naruto wasn’t allowed in, Naruto seemed hell-bent on getting himself kicked out from excessive noise.

That was three years ago now, though, and both the shop owners and Naruto had matured. Hopefully. Even if they hadn’t, there was a new variable that needed to be addressed. It was named Sayuri, and it was exceptionally loud when over stimulated by bunches of strangers approaching her and cooing. Except when Naruto was holding her.

This was something Iruka could not figure out. It didn’t even seem worth figuring out. It worked and he needed it, because he needed Sayuri to come along so he could measure her for her presents, so Naruto was coming too no matter what happened, so that Iruka would be sane at the end of this trip if nothing else.

Naruto grinned as he bounced along beside his former sensei, Sayuri strapped to his chest in her little carrier. He was as bad as the Academy students around the holidays, really. “Are Sakura-chan and I invited over for Christmas dinner, Iruka-sensei?”

“We were planning on it,” the Chuunin smiled to himself. He hadn’t really thought about Christmas dinner yet. His mother used to make roast teriyaki chicken, fried potatoes, and Christmas cake. Iruka had no idea how to make any of those things. He hadn’t had a Christmas since his parents died. In the past it had hurt too much, and Kakashi had never shown any interest before so it was alright.

“Can we have ramen?” Naruto’s grin was wide and mischievous, even as he removed Sayuri’s pacifier from the diaper bag slung over his shoulder and stuck it in her mouth. She immediately ceased the little whimpering noises she had been making.

“No.” Even though his tone was harsh, the corners of Iruka’s mouth twitched in to a smile. Leave it to Naruto to think that was an acceptable Christmas dinner. ‘Then again,’ Iruka sighed to himself, ‘who’s fault is it that he doesn’t know what Christmas should be like?’

He knew the answer; he just didn’t want to deal with it.

Naruto pouted for only a moment before pointing enthusiastically at an orange pair of pajamas that were hanging on the very back of the rack of baby clothes Iruka was looking through. “Hey, Iruka-sensei, how about those?”

“If you give her those,” Iruka said, matter-of-factly, “I’m burning them.”

“But she likes them, Iruka-sensei,” the young boy grinned, grabbing them and handing them to the baby. Sayuri reached out for them, most unhelpfully, and fisted one small hand in them. Naruto grabbed one of the awful sleeves, the little cartoon ninjas draw on it going lopsided as the fabric folded, and rubbed it against her cheek. She squealed in delight, the pacifier falling from her mouth, and Iruka only just managed to save it at the last minute.

After quick inspection, the pacifier was stuck back in Sayuri’s mouth. “I will not only burn them, I’ll burn everything orange you own as well.”

Naruto’s eyes widened comically. He knew better to suppose that was an idle threat. The pajamas were placed back on the rack, and both of the young ones stared back at him as if waiting further instructions.

Iruka sighed, running a hand wearily over his eyes. He really hated shopping, and he wasn’t super pleased about having to acknowledge Christmas existed outside the Academy this year. This was really too much for one person.

There was the clattering of hangers, and Iruka didn’t dare look. He could only pray under his breath that Naruto was not selected as Sayuri’s Jounin sensei when she was older because THAT would be a nightmare.

“Hey! Iruka-sensei! I can’t decide which one to get.”

Naruto’s excited tone was what made Iruka decide it was best to open his eyes and fend off any impending trouble the teen was about to cause. What he found was Naruto excitedly holding up three pairs of pajamas. One was a soft sea foam green color, with bunches of little dolphins playing sprayed across it. The second, a deep blue with bunches of henohenomoheji’s printed in dark red—Iruka couldn’t help wondering if Kakashi shouldn’t get royalties for it or something. The third where baby yellow and had a cute little fox sitting squarely on the chest and playing on the pocket sewed on the tummy.

The Chuunin could not help staring. It should have been impossible to find those articles of clothing, never mind finding all three of them in one store. It was such a mind boggling coincidence that Iruka half-suspected that SOMEONE he knew had special ordered all three of them. He mentally cursed Tsunade for ever giving Naruto a Christmas bonus.

“I can’t decide which one she likes best,” Naruto grinned cheekily, and held them out to the baby to inspect. “Which do you think, Sayuri-chan? You like the foxes best, right?”

In response the pacifier was dropped again and small fists reached out, grabbing a handful of each of them, and shoving them into her now vacant mouth with a squeal of delight.

Naruto stared, completely dumbfounded. “I…I guess that answers that question.”

Iruka couldn’t help the laughter that came bubbling up his throat. It started as a soft chuckle, then graduated to belly laughs. Before long he was clutching the clothes rack to remain standing. He knew that Naruto and Sayuri were looking at him like he’d lost it, but Iruka didn’t care. They couldn’t see their adorable and very alike faces.

The Story of My Life

2008-12-04T22:08:23Z

I had to do a creative non-fiction piece for one of my classes. Then I figured I might as well put it up here, see if anyone has any opinions on it (they would be greatly appreciated).

I am a Jellyfish

The conclusion has been reached that I am strange, even for a writer. Because writers are strange in general.

I think I simply spend too much time in my own head. I never stop thinking. There are no moments of silence where my brain does not question one thing or another. The things it thinks are often nonsense. Do leaves know how short their lives are? Do the books that sit on library shelves and are never checked out feel inadequate?

Jellyfish know the secrets of the universe.

I decided this while standing on the dock of a California beach in late July, after my senior year of high school. I had spent the month and a half previously taking classes at Dixie State through a program for low-income, first generation college students that I had been involved in for two years. It was our final trip, to celebrate getting through seven weeks of intense work.

Thousands of miles away, in Brigham City, Utah, it is the day of my grandfather’s funeral.

He had died a few days previously. They were playing “Walking on Sunshine” when my mother called and told me. It wasn’t entirely unexpected; he’d had three heart surgeries in his life already, and by all accounts should have died long ago. It was still a blow, because I knew how much my family depended on his advice. I’d listened to my father call him many times for wisdom when my parents were fighting about something stupid. They were always fighting about something stupid.

I had wanted to go to the funeral instead of California. Nobody wanted me there. They all wanted me to go ‘have fun like Grandpa would have wanted’. I didn’t really think that’s what he wanted me to do at all. I was fairly confident he wanted me there to comfort my schizophrenic grandmother, as I am her favorite grandchild and the only one she trusts not to wish she was dead so I could have her things.

She shouldn’t trust me, but she does.

I was told that I wasn’t welcome there, and my immediate family were all agreed it was best I was far away. My cousins hate me now, and my Grandmother always says “At Peder’s funeral, Aubrey, it was so nice. It would only have better if you had been there”. Right before she says I need to lose some weight if I don’t want a heart surgery at 33 like my father.

I heard my little brother put a picture of his girlfriend who had recently committed suicide in the casket with him, and asked our Grandpa to take care of her. He has a bumper sticker that says ‘Satan Bless America’ on his Jeep now, and another girlfriend with bigger breasts and less brain than the first.

It was warm and sunny in California that day, but I think it was cool and overcast in Brigham City. I don’t know. I’m sure it was cold in Idaho Falls where they buried him. I know it was cold when I went to see the grave two Memorial Days later. My grandmother cried. I didn’t. She has never forgiven me for that.

Idaho Falls Cemetery isn’t far from a park that overlooks the river, and these huge falls the town was named after. My family was looking at those and remembering my Grandfather, while I stood on the pier, looked at the ocean, and thought about jellyfish.

I hate swimming in the ocean. I watched one of my cousins nearly drown when I was a little girl. I can still remember running behind him, then seeing his body floating down at the bottom of the blue water in our grandparents’ pool. I remember being dragged away across the street, to a stranger’s house, to kneel on the couch and watch the fire trucks come by. No one came to get me for hours.

Drowning is one of my worst fears. I’m an excellent swimmer, I’ve had lessons since before I could walk, but if you get caught by a shark or a tide and dragged down it doesn’t matter how well you can swim. If the ocean wants you, it will win.

That was why I was up on the pier, looking down at the water, even though all of my friends were splashing around below in the waves. They were high waves, white-capped, that broke right on the beach. The other students loved face planting right onto the grainy sand. I couldn’t understand it.

There was a jellyfish warning that day, too. They weren’t the deadly kind, but getting caught would still hurt like hell. One of the boys in our group was stung within a few minutes of our arriving. He’d been hitting the thing with a body board. He claimed the Jellyfish had attacked him.

Jellyfish don’t swim, you know. They can swim by propelling themselves, but never for very long and they rarely do so. Mostly, they are subject to the will of the ocean, just like everything else. All they can really do is float along where they are taken and hope that food comes to them. It usually does, so I suppose the ocean must be generous too.

I could see them floating below me, dead and brown looking. If you didn’t know what they were, you’d probably think they were a ball of seaweed coming to rest on the shore for a while before being swept back out. I watched them move up and down with the water, and found myself wondering what jellyfish think about.

As usual, the logical side of my brain reminded me that it is unlikely that jellyfish can think.

Have you ever been a jellyfish? I asked myself.

No.

Then how do you whether or not a jellyfish can think? If science cannot describe how we as humans think, since we all do it differently, how can they know that a jellyfish doesn’t?

I had no answer for this, and my fancy was allowed to continue uninterrupted.

Since it can’t really do anything but float along, my fancy reasoned, then what else can it really do except think? And if that’s the case, then Jellyfish must certainly all be great philosophers. They had probably reasoned out the Truth centuries before Plato did, since there were so many of them to collaborate with each other. And, if they were that far ahead of us, then they certainly must have figured out the mysteries of the universe.

The logic seemed flawless to me. A jellyfish could do nothing but think and observe, and make theories on their observations. They probably had a jellyfish world-wide web—my logical side let out a scream of protest at this—over which they sent signals to discuss their observations of the silly land creatures that thought the ocean was safe. The jellyfish knew. Maybe they even knew where my grandfather had gone, so I could find him and bring him back to help put my life back together.

That year when I came to school, my parents almost got a divorce, my twin sister moved to Washington, my fourteen-year-old sister tried to kill herself twice, and my younger brother—the one with the Satan sticker—moved out and became gothic.

Until that December, my parents were still fighting about stupid things. Only my father didn’t have Grandpa to talk to anymore, and he didn’t have me to play peacemaker anymore either.

It would take my mother humiliating the whole family on the Today show, with Katie Couric and Matt Lauer, live from Studio 1A, for them to stop fighting about stupid things.

She’d talked to me about it for months before. Said the Today show would be having a special on “emotional cheating”. She was convinced that my father loved a woman he worked with more than he loved her. I didn’t think so. I knew he did. He loved lots of people more than he loved her, because growing up my mother was a cruel person.

A cruel person who would go right from work upstairs to her room, coming down only to yell at us for something we should have done.
But my father and his friend had never been intimate, and both were very professional, if a little playful at times. My mother said it was emotionally cheating on her, that he was wrong, and he was terrible, and she wanted him to come back to her.

I often said nothing in these conversations, except trying to be vaguely sympathetic. She was still my mother, I felt I should try.

The Today show came out, and as predicted they tried to make my Dad look like the worst guy in the universe. They over looked the fact that growing up he was the only one that cooked all our meals, helped with homework, cleaned the house, while mom disappeared for hours to watch TV and play Zuma. All they care about was that he was getting appreciated by a different woman.

It came out that my parents hadn’t had sex since my brother and sister were born, fourteen years before.

I didn’t see the special, I slept in that day. I think everyone else in Utah did. I heard some kids making fun of it when I went to get lunch later. They didn’t know who I was. I was a clump of seaweed, washing towards shore, as far as they knew.

My friends would tell me later that they admired my strength for getting through all that, and still managing to get okay grades. To still smile at them every day and tell them it was a good day, and that I was okay. I told them that I was just caught in a tide.

I don’t think they understood. I don’t either, but that’s nothing new. I’m the only one swimming in this ocean, so all I can do is figure it out myself.

Christmas Festival: Day 3: Gingerbread

2008-12-04T05:42:19Z

Title: Christmas with the Hatakes (3/25)
Author: Reggie (kairukashi, ode2sokka, Princess Tyler Briefs...among other such names)
Genre: Festival fluff!
Rating: G
Word count: 1,212

More fun with Sayuri and Kakashi, yay!

The recipe is for ‘Nauvoo Gingerbread Cookies’, technically, but I think all the good recipes are about the same. I haven’t tried it personally, because I’m a terrible cook, but it sounds good. You really can substitute the lard for shortening, by the way. I checked.

December 3rd: Gingerbread

It had taken several months, but Kakashi was now ninety-eight percent sure that the bottle was the right temperature. Always in the past he had made it to cold, which had always made Sayuri fussy and sometimes upset her stomach, so he usually stuck to bottles of baby food when Iruka wasn’t around. This time, however, he was trying to get the little girl to sleep. She refused to take a nap earlier, but Kakashi knew from experience that a cranky Sayuri was far from a good thing. Uncontrolled blood limits were not pleasant.

Hopefully, the warm bottle would lull the stubborn little girl to sleep.

With a small flourish and a grin, Kakashi placed the warm-but-not-hot bottle on her high chair tray and grinned. “Lunch is served, princess.”

Sayuri looked up at him skeptically and made no move to reach for the bottle. Both of them knew she was quite capable of feeding herself with it, she would do it for Iruka, but she didn’t seem to trust that this particular bottle was good enough for her.

Kakashi shrugged and left it there. He had seen Iruka do this often enough with small pieces of food he wanted her to try. She wouldn’t want to, but the minute Iruka’s back was turned they would be in her mouth. Hopefully, the bottle would work the same.

In the mean time, the Jounin had cookies to be making. Iruka had let it slip not long ago that gingerbread cookies where his favorite, and once the idea of making them for Iruka as a surprise had gotten in to the Copy-nin’s head it would not leave. He had time to make and chill the dough now, and still have time to cook them so they would be nice and warm when Iruka got home.

Kakashi took his recipe, bribed from Ayame, out of his pocket. “Alright, first we need one cup of sugar.” The Jounin couldn’t help but make a face. He wasn’t a fan of sweet things, generally, and one cup of sugar seemed a lot to him.

Sayuri must have found his face amusing, as she could see it without his mask on, and she giggled from her high chair. Apparently, the bottle hadn’t been picked up yet.

As instructed, Kakashi put the cup of sugar in a bowl, followed by a cup of molasses. The recipe also called for three-fourths cup of lard, but Ayame had told him to substitute shortening when he’d made a disgusted noise at that idea, so he added that into the bowl as well.

“Mix until smooth,” he read aloud, though he wasn’t sure whose benefit it was for. It wasn’t like Sayuri would be taking notes. It just felt like that’s what he should be doing since she was sitting there staring at him over the tip of the bottle.

Not really relishing the idea of stirring those distinctly not smooth things together until they looked that way, Kakashi decided now was a good time to get back to the original problem. He walked back over to his daughter’s high chair, picked up the bottle, and tried to hand it to her. “Come on, Sayuri-chan. You must be hungry, it’s lunch time now.”

She just continued to stare at him, half-lidded eyes clearly saying ‘I know what you’re trying to do, and I’m not buying it.’

“Most willful child ever created,” Kakashi muttered, but he couldn’t help but smile. Who could expect different, if you combined himself and Iruka? Shizune had looked ill at the very thought of how the girl might turn out when she was older. “You’re not going to defeat me in a war of wills just yet, little girl. I know you’re hungry, and I’m going to leave this here and you there until it’s gone.”

Sayuri defiantly knocked the bottle to the ground.

Frowning at this, Kakashi stood up and scratched his head. This was quite the predicament. If he put the bottle back up, she’d only throw it down again, and that would get them nowhere. Maybe it was time to try a different tactic. Maybe if he left the bottle on the floor until she started reaching for it, she might be more willing to cooperate.

He instead returned to the counter, picking up his bowl to start mixing. “I just can’t wait until you learn to talk, Sayuri-chan. I’m certain you’re going to have an earful for me.”

There was no response from the high chair corner.

Once he’d gotten the mixture into what Kakashi thought it probably meant by smooth, he added two eggs and stirred those in. A quick glance over his shoulder told him that Sayuri still hadn’t moved, so he proceeded with the instructions. Six cups flour, one teaspoon baking soda, one half a teaspoon salt, one teaspoon of cinnamon and the final, most important ingredient, of one and a half teaspoons ground ginger were all added to the mixture, leaving Kakashi with a soft dough substance when all was said and done.

Sayuri had not made a noise or any attempt to reach for the bottle at all, and this had the Jounin on edge. Now she wasn’t going to be cranky only because she was tired, but also because she was hungry. This was not good.

While their daughter was perfectly agreeable and affectionate when things were going how she wanted them, she would turn angry and stubborn the instant you tried to go against her will. This was something Kakashi really hoped maturity would smooth out a bit, but in the mean time he had to deal with shrieking wails and, worse, the realistic genjutsu she could unleash. It was difficult to fight with something that could see inside your mind and would modify to your thoughts.

The Copy-nin bent down, scooping the bottle off the floor. Sayuri’s eyes followed it, but she made no move to reach for it.

It was then that Kakashi had what may or may not have been his most brilliant idea in the history of his brilliant ideas.

He was fairly certain Iruka was going to kill him for this—something in these cookies had to be on that allergen list he was always talking about, and he was completely positive the raw eggs were a ‘do not do’—but as long as nothing happened Iruka wouldn’t have to know. And Kakashi REALLY hoped nothing would happen, but he was out of other ideas. If this didn’t work, he was going to have to put up with oddly powerful and uncontrolled genjutsu until Iruka got home and calmed her down.

Remembering only too well the first time the infant had let loose her blood limit in a fit of rage, Kakashi determined the pay off far outweighed any potential risks. He smeared a little of the dough on the tip of the bottle and put it back on the tray.

This caught the little girl’s interest enough that she forgot drinking the bottle wasn’t something she wanted to do. Like all new things, her first reaction was to stick it in her mouth, which was exactly what Kakashi wanted.

To the Jounin’s immense relief, Sayuri was sound asleep before the dough had finished chilling.

Christmas with the Hatakes: Day 2: Lights

2008-12-02T21:57:45Z

Title: Christmas with the Hatakes
Author: Reggie (kairukashi, ode2sokka, Princess Tyler Briefs...among other such names)
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: KakaIru
Genre: Festival fluff!
Rating: G
Word count: 1,179

I'm glad you all like what you saw of Sayuri, and hopefully you will continue to do so :D

December 2nd: Lights

Kakashi frowned at the little periwinkle blue hat held in his hand. Who came up with a name like periwinkle blue, anyway? More importantly, how did he know that’s what this light blue-purple color was? Because he just looked at it and his brain registered it as exactly that shade. Which was a little ridiculous. Kind of like Iruka’s proposal that as long as they had this little knitted hat that may have been periwinkle blue, though a case could be made for it being lavender, that they could keep Sayuri warm enough.

It was COLD outside. Not instant frostbite or flash frozen cold, but still chilly enough that little fingers and toes should be well taken care of! And while a jacket, mittens, and a scarf would be enough to keep himself and Iruka from freezing, Kakashi very much doubted that a tee-shirt and jeans over Sayuri’s regular yellow one piece, socks, gloves, and this hat were going to be enough.

Iruka took the hat from the Jounin’s slack grip with his free hand, the other being employed in keeping Sayuri from rolling off their bed. “You still don’t trust me, do you?”

“No.” He could have lied, but Iruka was using that voice that told Kakashi that Chuunin really already knew the answer, and there would be pain in his future if he even thought about saying anything different. “She’s so little, Iruka, and she’ll get cold…”

“She might be a little person, Kakashi, but she’s still a person.” Iruka smiled as he slipped the hat deftly over the fluffy brown hair of their daughter. She may have inherited the color from Iruka, but the Jounin could already see it had his wildness to it.

Sayuri loudly protested with a yell and continued squirming. Kakashi didn’t know many infants, but he’d never met one quite as stubborn as their little daughter. It was kind of amusing to watch her protest when she couldn’t have her way.

Iruka smiled indulgently at her complaints, and stopped dressing her until she stopped struggling to stare at him. Kakashi had no doubt that she was trying to figure out why the person above her had stopped, because she rarely got her way in these matters.

Kakashi sighed and leaned against the door frame, shoving his hands into the pockets of the dark blue jacked Iruka had forced upon him. “I suppose you know more about babies than I do.”

“I suppose you’re probably right.” Iruka grinned over his shoulder, before reaching down to capture one small hand. He kissed it and blew on it, making Sayuri squeal with delight, before slipping one mitten over the pudgy digits. “We’ll take a couple extra blankets in case it gets colder, but she should be just fine for now.”

“As long as we keep the hat on?” He tried, really, to keep the skepticism out of his voice. At least it was toned down a little from what he felt.

“People loose most of their body heat through their heads, and babies especially. A hat keeps it in. We won’t be out too long, she’ll be alright.”

Sayuri cried loudly as her other hand was captured by the glove. It wasn’t so much a cry of being upset as one of out-and-out rage. Kakashi thought, personally, that it didn’t bode well that she was already showing some signs of having Iruka’s temper.

Iruka kissed on chubby pink cheek, near her nose, and ignored the angry noise she made in response. “Naruto and Sakura will be here soon. Put your mask up.”

“Yes, sir,” Kakashi mock saluted. He was ignored too, except to have Sayuri put in his arms so Iruka could put his jacket on. Half-lidded eyes, the mirror image of his own natural eye, scowled up at Kakashi. Sayuri seemed to think this whole mess with the clothes was his fault. For some reason, this made Kakashi laugh.

Naruto was practically bouncing in place on their doorstep, a grin on his face, when Iruka answered the door. “Is my little sister ready to go or what, Iruka-sensei?”

“Well she’s dressed,” Kakashi heard Iruka chuckle a little under his breath. “She’s just not happy to be going.”

“That’s because she doesn’t know her Naruto-oniichan is going,” the blonde whirlwind grinned, and waved at the baby still in Kakashi’s arms. Sayuri cooed happily, anger forgotten, and reached out for the curious orange thing just out of her grasp.

“Are you sure she’ll be warm enough, Iruka-sensei?” Sakura frowned, and Kakashi couldn’t help smiling a little. At least he wasn’t the only one with doubts.

“She’ll be fine.” Iruka shook his head, obviously exasperated, before taking Sayuri and handing her to Naruto. In a motion that was probably too quick for the kids to properly follow, Iruka grabbed the baby-backpack, as Naruto had dubbed it, and had it strapped to Kakashi chest in a matter of moments. The Jounin shifted a little under the odd weight. He had agreed to wear the thing tonight, seeing as Iruka had always carried her in the past. He just hadn’t realized how awkward it felt.

“Are you excited for your first light show, Sayuri-chan?” Naruto was half bouncing her, making her squeal and giggle with delight. “It’s really pretty, with all the market lights lit up. You’ll love it.”

“Idiot,” Sakura’s voice was soft, almost fond, even as she muttered the insult. “She won’t remember it more than a few minutes.”

“So?” Naruto stopped his play to hand her back to Iruka, so the Chuunin could strap her into the seat on Kakashi’s chest. “She doesn’t have to. She can enjoy it in the moment.”

Sakura and Iruka both laughed at this, and Kakashi found himself joining in. This felt…almost normal. This was odd, since the moment Tsunade had told them that Iruka was pregnant—no, since the moment they had believed her, which wasn’t the same—the Copy-nin had been sure his life was never going to be normal again. And maybe it wasn’t normal, exactly. Not the same normal anyway. Maybe this is what other people, with families, felt like.

It was a long walk to the market from the three bedroom apartment he and Iruka shared, near the civilian district, when you had to walk along the ground. But when they got there, and Naruto took Sayuri out of her carrier to hold her up to inspect the elaborately decorated lanterns, and she squealed in delight, it was worth it.

More than that, a strange feeling of contentment had settled in Kakashi’s chest, and only intensified when Sakura lit a sparkler and showed it to the tot from a safe distance for her to admire. When Iruka snuggled her close and gave Sayuri her first taste of hot chocolate by dipping his finger in the foamy mug, blowing on it to cool it, and letting her suck on it.

This was something Kakashi hadn’t realized he was missing all those years growing up alone. Now he couldn’t remember what it felt like to be without it.

Christmas Festival: Day 1

2008-12-02T02:52:47Z

Title: Christmas with the Hatakes

Author: Reggie (kairukashi, ode2sokka, Princess Tyler Briefs...among other such names)

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakaIru

Genre: Festival fluff!

Rating: G

Word count: 1,052

So…Christmas festival anyone? I sure hope so! This one is my contribution to the fun and excitement. As usual, I can’t just do what’s expected. I have to do something completely odd.

I want to introduce you guys to my own KakaIru kid—I finally came up with a way to make an MPreg work for me. To give you the rundown of the story that I may or may not eventually write: Sayuri was conceived without either parent knowing because our ever-evil Danzou (the new bad guy for everything!) cast a jutsu on Iruka. He wanted to preserve the Umino clan, you see, because Iruka has a very unique blood trait (this follows my Kingdom of Secrets universe that I AM going to eventually finish). He knew that Iruka would never agree to father a child, as he and Kakashi are already in a relationship, and Tsunade wouldn’t force him. So, he took matters in to his own hands to try and create the perfect solider. After her birth, Danzou kidnapped her. But they got her back!

Normally, I’d just use Sakiko, but I liked the story idea so much I wanted to invent the baby, even if I never write the story, and then she needed a story to belong to. So, here you go.

December 1: Christmas Tree

Iruka blinked. Then he frowned. When that still failed to change anything about the situation, he blinked some more. Still the living room remained exactly as it had been when he walked in. Which was not the same as when he left. There was instead an intruder sitting in one corner of the house.

This would have been a little more distressing, except the intruder was a giant pine tree. There was nothing that Iruka could think of that would make a pine tree particularly threatening all by itself. Even if it had had a decent threat level, Kakashi was sitting on the ground next to it with Sayuri lying on her blanket making happy babbling noises not far from his reach. Even if he was hopelessly tangled in a length of rope, Kakashi wouldn’t just let their daughter sit close to something that might harm her.

But how the tree had gotten in there in the first place, Iruka could not even begin to guess. Instead, he chose to get his answers from the source. “Kakashi, what are you doing?”

“Failing,” the Jounin whispered in a miserable voice, holding up his tangled arms for inspection.

Iruka couldn’t help but chuckle appreciatively at that, and moved to help his lover. “Who would have thought, the elite Copy-nin felled by simple rope? Now, what were you trying to do with a pine tree in our living room and some rope?”

“I’m child proofing our Christmas tree.” Kakashi sounded so pleased with himself that it stopped Iruka from laughing at him. The Chuunin knew better than to laugh at childish accomplishments, it inevitably led to unhappiness for both parties.

Instead, he leaned down and started working on untangling his lover, one little loop at a time. “Dare I ask how the rope was going to help you accomplish this?”

The jounin was nearly bouncing as he used the hand Iruka wasn’t holding to untangle to retrieve a book from his vest. Carefully, he shook off the Icha Icha slip cover to reveal the book underneath. It was white, with “Baby’s First Year” written across in pastel colors.

Iruka dropped the arm he’d been holding, ignoring Kakashi’s wordless protest, and went to pick up the wiggling baby. Sayuri had managed to roll over on to her belly, and she was trying to squirm her way over to the box of lights under the coffee table. “You’re the only man I know that disguises baby books as porn.”

Kakashi laughed sheepishly from behind him as Iruka scooped the girl up. She protested a little at first, but recognizing who it was soon quieted.

The Chuunin smiled a little, turning around with the six-month-old cradled in his arms. She was surprisingly sticky, and Iruka guessed Kakashi hadn’t had time, or hadn’t bothered, to bathe her since her lunch. There was even something that appeared to be baby food stuck to her short brown hair. “So, you’re going to use the rope to anchor the tree?”

“That was the plan, yes.” Kakashi stood, and the rope dropped to the ground. Apparently, the little bit Iruka had untangled had been enough to allow him freedom.

“And what, exactly, where you going to tie it to?” The wall was blank, as far as Iruka knew, unless Kakashi had decided to put hooks in the walls. Iruka hoped he hadn’t, because the tree would only be up for three weeks and that sounded like a very permanent solution.

“I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” Kakashi muttered, appearing suddenly with a damp wash cloth in hand, which Iruka took gratefully. “I wanted to see where you wanted the tree first.”

Sayuri squealed in protest as the cloth was rubbed over her hair, and brown eyes—Kakashi’s shade of brown, not his—stared up at him indignantly. Iruka smiled at her and nuzzled one pudgy cheek with his nose, which earned him a delighted coo. He then captured one small, drool covered hand in the cloth and began cleaning that. “I appreciate that, but why did you get a tree in the first place? We’ve never had one before.”

“Well,” Kakashi shifted from foot to foot a little uncomfortably. “I ran into Kurenai at the store today, and she wanted to know what we were doing for Sayuri’s first Christmas. When I said we hadn’t really planned anything, I thought she was really going to kill me. She probably would have if Sayuri-chan hadn’t been in the cart between us.”

Iruka chuckled appreciatively, and watched out of the corner of his eye as Kakashi moved toward the coffee table and picked something up off of it.

“She gave me this, and then I felt like we had to have a tree to put it on since she went to all the trouble.” Kakashi held out his hand and uncurled his fingers to reveal a small white circle, with ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ engraved on it. “So then I went and bought a plastic tree, since the book said that it minimized needle choking hazards, and put it up, and now that we have it I think we should use it, don’t you? It IS her first Christmas, Iruka, and you only get one of those. We should make it special.”

“Kurenai got to you.” Iruka said flatly, but he couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth from twitching. It was always endearing when Kakashi really got in to this having a family thing. He’d been so out of his element the past few months, having to deal with an infant for probably the first time in his life, that even though Iruka didn’t doubt Kakashi’s love for both of them he’d been surprisingly distant. It was nice to see him really trying. “Alright then, we’ll keep the tree. But you realize that we’re only decorating the parts she can’t reach, don’t you?”

Kakashi nodded enthusiastically, and rushed back to the table to grab another box. “I bought the perfect ornaments, too!”

Logic was telling Iruka he didn’t want to know what was in that box, but when it was held out to him the Chuunin couldn’t resist a peek. Inside lay about twenty little blue plastic dolphins and yellow scarecrows. On top of that sat a perfect replica of Pakkun.

Random: Why do all KakaIru babies have names that start with an S? I tried several different ones for this child and none of them seemed to fit until I start with S names. It's weird.

KakaIru Song Meme

2008-12-01T17:51:14Z

Why is it that all songs lend themselves to sad drabbles? And how is it that I have 1000+ songs and got two from the same CD? ...Whatever.

The rules:
1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.
3. Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!
4. Do ten of these, then post them.

Wishing- Sugarland

It was easy to forget, sometimes. To walk by the bridge where they had kissed, and not remember. To circle around by the Academy and not think of the joy he’d once felt at the sight of it. It was a place, it was a building, it was nothing to him.

But the days when the light was just right, when it was snowing, when he’d catch a faint scent of cinnamon in the air—Kakashi could wish that he’d never heard the name of Umino Iruka. Because then there would not have been pain when he wasn’t there anymore.

Walking On Sunshine- Aly & AJ

Iruka was perfectly calm as he walked down the path to the street. He did not skip. He did not run. He did not grin. It was only with a small smile he greeted passers-by, maybe a wave. They smiled and waved back. A few commented on his clothes—only a loose pair of grey sweatpants. His hands were not trembling with excitement as he opened his mailbox, and pulled out a paper. Only when he’s read the little note, “back safely. See you tonight”, signed with a smiling scarecrow face did he allow himself a loud whoop of delight.

Easy as Life- Heather Headley

It was a mission, and he had to, but Iruka felt something in him giving its final scream for life as the woman kissed him. He didn’t love her. He’d pretended interest to get information, and he would get it as they bedded down together. And he promised himself he would not think about a man with silver hair, and a soft smile, and unique eyes that he couldn’t look away from. He wouldn’t think of the promises of love that had been whispered in the sweat-dampened air. If he remembered, he would break, and Iruka couldn’t afford that now.

If I Ever Leave This World Alive- Flogging Molly

There was a certain poetic irony in this that Kakashi could appreciate. During his life he’d spent all his time trying to talk to dead. Now that he was dead, he spent most of his time trying to talk to the living. “Could you hear me?” He asked Obito once, when the boy from his childhood had joined his watching one day.

“Not that I knew,” Obito answered honestly. “But I think a part of me did. Because I knew you were there and you were waiting.”

This was enough for Kakashi; he wanted Iruka to know he was waiting.

I Got Nothin’ Left- Celine Dion

It’s hard to be angry when you’re dead inside. Iruka tries anyway. He wants to feel again the passionate anger he’d felt at the Chuunin exams, but he can’t. This wound is too deep. Iruka thinks Kakashi might have cut the Chuunin’s heart out and forgotten to replace it with anything when he took it with him. It’s too poetic. It’s true.

He wants to be furious and hurt, hurt Kakashi back, but he has nothing left to give and he won’t. He doesn’t. He just keeps existing in the Jounin’s shadow and waiting for the feelings to come back.

Because of You- Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson

It is a hard place to be—both hating and loving his father. Kakashi can remember the man Sakumo was before the mission, and he loves that man who used to tell him that Kakashi was more important to him than even the village. He hates the man that was so weak he killed himself. Kakashi carefully shut himself away, then, in a place where life wouldn’t seem so cruel because he couldn’t feel it anymore. Obito put a crack in the door; others after him had widened it. It took Iruka to break it down and drag him out.

Could I Be You- Matchbox 20

There are few things in life that make no sense to Kakashi, but one of those few is Umino Iruka. He is one of the most trusted ninja in the village, but he breaks nearly every rule in the book. Even while he’s telling his students that they must never show their emotions, he is laughing at their silly answers, yelling about their pranks, bandaging their hurts and not scolding them for tears. Kakashi cannot understand it, and he understands less why he is so sure that this makes Iruka a better ninja than Kakashi could ever hope to be.

Lookin’ For A Good Time- Lady Antebellum

“May I cut in?” Kakashi smiled, sliding up next to the chuunin that was dancing alone by the DJ booth. He was obviously drunk, and deliriously happy about it.

“Depends how long you want to stay.” Iruka smiled, grinding his hips against Kakashi’s anyway. “If you’re only going to dance one song, don’t bother.”

The Copy-nin wasn’t sure, but he thought maybe there was something more going on here. He couldn’t decide through his alcohol haze. Almost drunk, not quite. “I can’t promise more than two songs. I don’t know if I can stand longer than that.”

Iruka just smiled.

Honey Honey- ABBA

The rumors about Kakashi were not true. He’d slept with maybe a handful of people in the whole village, all one night stands, not the three dozen or so that claimed to have been with the Jounin. He had never kissed any of those he had slept with, even if a few of them seemed determined to think otherwise. None of them loved him, and Kakashi preferred it that way.

He warned Iruka when they fell in bed together not to love him. It was painful. The Chuunin ignored him, and kept coming back when Kakashi would push him away.

We Run- Sugarland

They knew they shouldn’t get attached. But that had never stopped either of them from loving before. They had both loved, they had both lost, they were both willing to try again. Kakashi hadn’t thought he would fall so fast he couldn’t catch himself. Iruka hadn’t expected it to be this intense. They had both thought they could back out later, at the inevitable end, but this love was different from everything that had come before. There was no escape, no choice, but the longer it went the less either of them cared. They were together, it was all okay.

You Will Want Tissues! (Falling Stars Update)

2008-11-12T22:13:16Z

Title: Falling Like Stars (4/?)

Author: Reggie (kairukashi, ode2sokka, Princess Tyler Briefs...among other such names)

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakaIru

Genre: Angst and Drama and Suspense and yeah...

Rating: R in later chapters. A nice G-PG right now.

Word count: 2,984 words of really bad angst.
Summary: Sometimes, you must give up what is most precious in order to save it. Sequel to Pieces. AU

...I HATE this chapter. That said:

This was originally going to be something entirely different, but as I discovered THAT could be more or less summed up briefly next chapter much better, that's what I'm going to do. So, with the full approval of my two most precious people, I now bring you badly written Kakashi torture.

There's a little change in the wording of something Kakashi refrences in "Can, Can't, and Won't". I'm going to say that's because he was summing up the gist of it. To all those concerned: I DO know (more or less) where I am going with this and it WILL have the happiest ending I can manage, I promise.

Songs for this chapter: "How Do I Live" Trisha Yearwood and "Wishing" Sugarland.

( Livejournal dislikes my chapter length... )

Fast Update no Jutsu!

2008-11-10T00:14:51Z

Title: Falling Like Stars (3/?)

Author: Reggie (kairukashi, ode2sokka, Princess Tyler Briefs...among other such names)

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakaIru

Genre: Angst and Drama and Suspense and yeah...

Rating: R in later chapters. A nice G-PG right now.

Word count: 3,033
Summary: Sometimes, you must give up what is most precious in order to save it. Sequel to Pieces. AU

Thank you all for all your kind comments. I hope that I do not disappoint! I have decided to share, if you're interested, songs on my Playlist for this story, as a way of...I don't know...giving it context or something. For this chapter we have "When You're Gone" by Avril (there is a great KakaIru video for this you should look up on Youtube, but I'm not comfortable sharing it here without the owner's permission) and "The Riddle", the song that inspired the whole story to be written now (which is a less known song, so I *am* sharing it).

( I Are A Fake Cut, because LiveJournal thinks the post is too large )

Cause You Can't Save Him..

2008-11-08T19:47:00Z

Title: Falling Like Stars (2/?)

Author: Reggie (kairukashi, ode2sokka, Princess Tyler Briefs...among other such names)

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakaIru

Genre: Angst and Drama and Suspense and yeah...

Rating: R in later chapters. A nice G-PG right now.

Word count: 2664
Summary: Sometimes, you must give up what is most precious in order to save it. Sequel to Pieces. AU

If you haven't read all the stories in the 'Pieces' arc, chances are good you'll miss some of the references. The "official" stories are "Strength" and "Can, Can't, and Won't". I would also suggest you brush up on them if you haven't read them in a while (which I'm guessing most of you haven't). There are three other stories, but they're starting to be a little inconsistent with the rest of the arc so I might remove them.

Chapter 2

Iruka opened the door to the apartment he shared with Kakashi, dropping his now much heavier bag by the door and kicking off his shoes. He only had a little while to prepare dinner. Having a nice sit down dinner once a month was something they always did, if they could manage it between missions. This one had been planned for weeks, and it was the perfect opportunity for Iruka to set his skeleton of a plan into motion.

He reached into the side pocket of his pack and removed a little vial of white powder. It was tranquilizer that had been developed to give to ANBU after particularly difficult missions. It was odorless, tasteless, dissolved completely in water, and could not be detected by any conventional means. Best of all, it would knock a shinobi out cold for forty-eight hours in a deep, dreamless sleep. Tsunade had said she could only give him a head start as long as no one reported him missing. It was Friday, and if Kakashi wasn’t awake to notice Iruka was gone, it would give him until at least Monday. Any advantage Iruka would have on those chasing him, he was going to take.

It would be so much easier to say good-bye this way.

He put the little vial in his pocket, and pulled out the scroll Tsunade had given him. Iruka’s hand drifted down towards his stomach, clenching in his vest over the seal Kakashi had put there that sealed them together closer than two people should be. As long as that seal was in place, Kakashi would know Iruka was alive and Iruka’s plan hinged on the idea that he could fake his death.

The ANBU would stop hunting him, and those he loved would think him only a coward—but no traitor. True, it meant he could never come back, but the chances of him surviving were nonexistent anyway, so what did that matter?

The scroll would help him first block the seal, separating their chakra systems once again, and then breaking it. This would probably be done the easiest if Kakashi was unconscious for the process, so he put the scroll on the bookshelf, where it would go unnoticed for now, before moving to the kitchen.

Dinner would have to be simple; he didn’t have enough time or skill for anything else. It didn’t matter, Kakashi was always glad of it. He claimed he was always happy whenever he could return to the apartment they shared after a day of training with his brats and Sai, who did not count.

Iruka looked through their refrigerator—it had been a while since either of them had the time to go shopping—to see what he knew how to make with what they had. It came down to oyako donburi, the simple chicken, vegetable, and egg dish. Iruka smiled, a little sadly, as he began assembling ingredients on the counter. It seemed fitting that his last meal in Konoha was the same one his mother had made the night of the kyuubi attack.

He had just finished simmering the vegetables and was about to add the egg when Kakashi came in the door. His lover grinned, pulling down his mask while also removing his shoes. “I’m home.”

Iruka looked over his shoulder, trying to keep his voice and hands steady. He had to act normal, while still trying to treasure every instant of this last time together. The chuunin swallowed thickly, trying to force the thought to the back of his mind. “Welcome back.”

Kakashi moved through the apartment swiftly, coming in to the small kitchen to wrap his arms around Iruka’s waist and peer over his lover’s shoulder. “Looks good.”

“I hope it is.” Iruka didn’t turn to look at him, sure that if he looked Kakashi in the eye that he would be unable to keep his composure. Shinobi spent years learning how to resist interrogation techniques from the enemy. No one taught you how to resist the person you loved best.

The Jounin kissed his lover’s temple, never once removing his arms. “You seem distracted.”

The lie came so easily it ached. “I had my yearly psych evaluation with Tsunade today.”

Kakashi simply nodded. All shinobi were required to have yearly evaluations, although not all of them from Tsunade. Both he and Kakashi were some of the few with pasts awful enough that Tsunade felt it important to keep up with them personally, and it was always a taxing experience.

“I can finish up, if you’d like.”

“No, it’s alright. I’m enjoying it, and it’s almost finished. Why don’t you go set the table?”

There was no argument from the Copy-nin, and Iruka felt ready to throw up because of it. Kakashi trusted him so much, loved him this much. And there was nothing Iruka could do to spare him pain that would not go against Tsunade’s direct orders, or endanger the village they both loved and had sworn to protect.

Iruka ruefully wondered what Kakashi’s life philosophy of protecting his comrades over the success of a mission would say about this situation. No one that was left behind was going to die from this effort, but what of the emotional pain that was sure to follow?

His hand was trembling so badly as he dumped the tranquilizer into Kakashi’s drink that he nearly spilled both all over the counter and it was only through mustering up all his courage that Iruka managed to succeed in his task. He had lost a little of the powder, but it should not be enough to change the effect.

“Naruto is being stubborn, as usual,” Kakashi called from the table. He sounded both irritated and fondly amused. “He seems to have gotten it in his head that if the Akatsuki come for him, he’s going to have to stop them single handedly. The worst part is, he almost would be able to do it.”

Iruka chuckled, but even to him it sounded sad. He wished he could be there, to prove to Naruto that he didn’t have to do such things alone. If things had been different, maybe he could have.

Kakashi was at his side instantly. “Are you sure you’re alright? You seem like you’re not all here.”

It was impossible for Iruka not to look up as gloved hands slid over his own. His eyes latched on to Kakashi’s own. This all started with looking in his eyes. Iruka swallowed hard against the feeling of longing and the nausea that accompanied it. He couldn’t stop his hands from trembling, and it was a good thing Kakashi was there to catch the glasses before they fell. Iruka looked down, half-choking on a sob.

Kakashi set the glasses down before pulling the Chuunin into a tight hug. “You’re not alright.”

“No,” and he wasn’t going to be, because he knew what lay ahead, and Kakashi didn’t, and that thought alone was tearing him to pieces.

“Go sit down. I’ll finish up here.” Kakashi nuzzled the top of Iruka’s head—didn’t he know that he was slowly killing him?—before releasing the smaller man to do as instructed. “It’s only a matter of adding egg anyway.”

Iruka grabbed the glasses, not sure how he maintained the hold when he knew one of them was meant to help separate them forever, and put them both down in their places. The red cup containing the tranquilizer was almost screaming that he was a traitor, and if he’d felt braver he might have dumped it out and forgotten the whole idea.

But he wasn’t brave. He was terrified of everything that was coming. Orochimaru had been terrifying enough when he was a child, but now that he was an adult? What might he be ordered to do? Who would he have to kill, maim, destroy, or…

Iruka dry-heaved a little, but managed to turn it into a cough.

It didn’t take more than a few minutes for Kakashi to finish up, and he placed the well ordered dish on the table with a look of concern in Iruka’s direction. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I can’t. It’s confidential.” He wanted to make Kakashi understand that everything he was doing was not his choice. Hint to him that no matter what happened it was going to be okay, Kakashi was going to be okay.

Whatever hell Iruka had to enter, he knew that thought that Kakashi was okay, and safe, and here in Konoha would keep him going. Because Kakashi’s being okay depended on him doing so.

The Jounin made a vague noise of understanding, but said nothing else as he slipped on hand under Iruka’s that had previously been resting on the Chuunin’s lap. They ate in silence, but Iruka carefully monitored each sip. He knew how much water Kakashi regularly drank and meals, and had been careful to give him just a little less than usual to ensure he drank it all. He felt disgusting, like an assassin, watching each swallow so closely.

Kakashi caught him as he was finishing the last gulp, and couldn’t help twisting his naked mouth into a grin. “See something you like, sensei?”

It was perhaps a little impulsive, but as Iruka seized the sides of Kakashi’s vest and pulled him forward for a mouth-bruising kiss, Iruka found he did not care. He did not care that he’d promised himself that he would leave without so much as a hint, because anything he said might only hurt Kakashi more. He needed this. He needed to have the taste of his lover burnt onto his mouth, and the feel of Kakashi’s arms around him to keep him safe. He needed this memory more than ever.

Iruka pulled away, Kakashi still a little too stunned from the sudden attack to respond. Iruka wondered if it didn’t feel familiar, like their first kiss. His first kiss good-bye to the Jounin. Iruka had been sure then, as he was now, that he was going to die, and it was so blissfully ironic that not kissing Kakashi had once again been something he knew he would regret. “I love you, Kakashi. You know that, right? No matter what happens, I love you.”

“I love you too,” the Jounin said, sounding still a little lost, but not lost enough not to sneak two hands up Iruka’s shirt and lean in closer. “It’s not even a question for me. You really can’t tell me what’s bothering you so much?”

Iruka shook his head, eyes sliding half closed at the longed for touch. Kakashi would be falling asleep soon, and if he was going to be there for two days he should at least be somewhere comfortable. Iruka stood and started leading the Copy-ninja by the wrists to their bed. He followed like an eager puppy. “If I could, I would.”

He leaned forward and seized Kakashi’s mouth again, pulling him forward and both of them backwards. Kakashi landed sprawled on top of him, hands on either side to keep him from crushing the Chuunin entirely. Only after a moment of lying there did he pull away. “Can I help you anyway?”

“You are.” Iruka couldn’t stop the sad smile, or the gentle caressing of his lover’s face. He kept staring, trying to tattoo that caring smile onto his brain. This is what it was all for. This is what made it worth it. He rolled them over gently until he was straddling the Jounin’s hips, before Iruka leaned down and kissed ever inch of that face, memorizing it with his mouth. Kakashi didn’t struggle, content to let Iruka take the lead. Iruka doubted Kakashi even noticed when he began to fall asleep, but the Chuunin was sure the feeling of Iruka’s lips on Kakashi’s was the last thing the Copy-nin felt before he drifted off completely.

Once he was sure Kakashi was sleep, Iruka reached up to untie the forehead protector over the sharingan. He bit his bottom lip, but that did not stop the slow tears at all so he gave up. “I’m sorry, Kakashi. I wish you could understand. But please, whatever they try and make you believe about me…don’t. Remember me, remember us, as we have been, and don’t let them take that from you.”

It was odd how Iruka’s tears landing on his face made Kakashi seem to be crying too, and the Chuunin choked back a sobbing laugh. The forehead protector was laid aside on the bedside table while Iruka stood to prepare.

It would probably be best if he appeared as strong as he actually was to Orochimaru. Pretending he was only a Chuunin with Chuunin level abilities would make him appear useless. Claiming to be ANBU level without a tattoo or any proof would lead to testing Iruka did not have the courage to face.

Kakashi kept his ANBU armor in a box in the top of the closet. Iruka pretended not to know what it was, usually, even though it wasn’t really a secret. Now he stood up and pulled the box down. Hopefully, a few days on his body and running through the forest would remove Kakashi’s sent from the clothing. There was little Iruka could do about the tattoo, he didn’t know the jutsu to create it and didn’t have the equipment to make one, but maybe something would come to him later.

Iruka then moved to grab one of his forehead protectors to leave behind when he faked his death, for the ANBU to take back to Tsunade. His fingers fell on one wrapped in black cloth, that had Kakashi’s smell on it no matter how many times Iruka had worn it. It was the one Kakashi’s father had given him that the Jounin had in turn given to Iruka.

It was meant as a reminder that he could be strong.

Iruka pulled the cloth up to his mouth, breathing in the scent. This would be the most convincing piece of evidence for Kakashi, as Iruka wore it nearly everywhere, but he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving it behind. The armor he was taking to convince Orochimaru and it would probably be swiftly disposed of. The thought of not having anything tangible to hold close to remind him of Kakashi when everything was just too much cracked the Chuunin’s resolve. He put that forehead protector with armor, to keep hidden and safe as his reminder of home.

Another forehead protector was selected to be the one brought back, and all of these things were sealed inside a scroll to make the easier for him to carry. The despised card, with the ornate summoning seal, that would lead him to Orochimaru was removed from its hiding place in a hidden panel in one of Iruka’s little used books and sealed away as well.

All that was left was to break the seal between himself and Kakashi, but Iruka swiftly found his resolve on that draining too. He was going to need any strength Kakashi could give him if he was going to survive long enough to get to Sasuke. But the potential damage to Kakashi once Iruka died was also great.

Frowning at the scroll, Iruka made a decision and swiftly acted upon it. He blocked the seal, but it could be broken if he needed it to be, before storing the scroll also. Iruka had always been abnormally good at reading his sensei’s moods, and if things started looking like they were heading south, he would break the seal then.

Picking up the sealing scroll from the floor, Iruka put it into his vest before walking over and giving Kakashi one last farewell kiss. “Say good-bye to Naruto for me, and try to help him understand, if you can.”

With nothing left to pack, and nothing else that could be said to his sleeping lover, Iruka opened the window and disappeared into the night.

Reggie brings Ficcage!

2008-11-04T05:23:57Z

I has presents! Kinda.

Title: Falling Like Stars (1/?)

Author: Reggie (kairukashi, ode2sokka, Princess Tyler Briefs...among other such names)

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: KakaIru

Genre: romansicle

Rating: R in later chapters. A nice G-PG right now.

Word count: 1870
Summary: Sometimes, you must give up what is most precious in order to save it. Sequel to Pieces. AU.

Am I actually doing this? …Yes. Yes I am.

This crosses the AU line in a way that ‘Pieces’ never did. I deliberately wrote Pieces so it sat in the middle arc as a thing that could have happened when you weren’t looking. This was planned many many chapters back in the manga, about the time of Asuma’s death, and the plot has not changed since and must, as a result, be AU.

Which is fine, I suppose. I’m still going to aim for a sort of ‘it could have gone that way’ feeling.

The title comes from song that sort of spurred me to get back in to this: “The Riddle” from The Scarlet Pimpernel (Broadway Musical).

Chapter 1

Iruka’s hand wasn’t trembling as he pushed open Tsunade’s door, and he thought it was strange that he even noticed the lack of it. There was no logical reason he should be nervous about going and seeing the Hokage. Maybe they weren’t as close as Iruka had been to Sandaime, but she had always been decently nice to him.

The only reason he could see that the oddness of the LACK of trembling had crossed his mind was this horrible sense of foreboding he hadn’t been able to shake all week. There was no explanation for it, the people he cared the most about were all safely in the village, but still…

Tsunade glanced up at him, her eyes wooden and somehow cold. He’d never missed Sandaime’s warm eyes more than that moment. “Have a seat, Iruka-sensei.”

He did as instructed, dropping silently into the hard-backed chair on the other side of the paperwork laden desk. “You wanted to see me, Hokage-sama?”

The papers rustled slightly as Godaime leaned forward on her elbows. “You aren’t going to like what I have to tell you.”

Iruka’s eyes blinked at her stupidly without his permission. This didn’t bode well. But he couldn’t think of what it was she might say to him that he wouldn’t like. Naruto was back from his training, stronger than ever, and safe here. Kakashi was safe here, and Sakura. No one he knew had even been out on a mission in the last week or so.

Tsunade leaned back in her chair, squaring her shoulders and frowning at him. “I have a mission for you, Iruka.”

“Me?” It was a childish thing to say, but he couldn’t help the surprise. Chuunin sensei did not get missions handed down to them directly from the Hokage. They just didn’t. And, yes, he’d been on more A-ranked missions than other chuunin his age but a surprising number of those had been as a genin, and Kakashi had begged him not to advance his rank to avoid missions that came down direct from the Hokage.

Tsunade knew this last part, of course. She knew much more than he let anyone know, and this was probably the reason she chose to ignore his innocent sounding surprise. Instead she stood and started pacing. Do you know what day is fast approaching, Iruka-sensei?”

The chuunin suppressed a snort. Friday, the end of the month, Christmas—all of those would have been equally as appropriate answers to that question as whatever Godaime was fishing for. “No, Hokage-sama.”

“How long has it been since Sasuke left?”

All of Iruka’s insides twisted unpleasantly and froze there. He could even feel all the blood draining from his face, racing to his toes. “It’s been nearly three years…”

Tsunade nodded, walking back from the window to her desk. “I don’t need to tell you what this means, do I, Iruka-sensei?”

“No, Hokage-sama,” his voice was barely more than a half-whisper. He knew only too well that Orochimaru could take a new body only every three years. Sasuke…

“It says here,” Tsunade sat down and picked up a specific, surprisingly thin, folder that was sitting at the top of the pile, “that you, Anko, and Hayate had a way to find Orochimaru, if the need was dire.”

Iruka visibly startled, and his eyes flashed defensively. “We offered, before, to help Sandaime find him. We weren’t keeping it a secret. He just turned us down every time we offered.”

“There were others on the job at the time,” Tsunade conceded, her voice neutral. “But those resources have since been diverted to keeping track of the movements of Akatsuki. Until now, they have been the biggest threat to our village. However, if Orochimaru gets his hands on a body with the Sharingan…”

It was a scenario Iruka had gone over in his head a thousand times since the chuunin exams, when Sandaime had called him in to watch Sasuke’s fight and see if the seal was at all similar to what Orochimaru had been working on before he left—if he had any ideas what they could do about it. He would come after Konoha, and with that power there would be no one that could stop him.

Iruka swallowed thickly against the sudden dryness of his throat, and he had to take a deep breath before he could speak again. “What is it you need me to do, Hokage-sama?”

“The impossible.” She smiled, but it looked oddly out of place on her face in that moment. The smile of the dead. “Orochimaru needs to be stopped, and Sasuke either brought back or killed, before the transformation can take place. I’ve looked at every possible solution. Sandaime believed that what about to suggest was the most likely solution, to be used only in the worst case scenario. I agree with him.”

A fragmented flash of memory, of this same office what seemed a life time ago. Sarutobi’s kind voice, so sad with worry. ‘If the worst happens, and Sasuke chooses to join Orochimaru, what do you think we should do, Iruka?’

“You are the one most likely to complete this mission successfully, Iruka-sensei.” Tsunade was looking at him over the steeple tips of her fingers, gauging his reaction.

Iruka blanched, suppressing something that was half a gasp and half a wave of nausea. “What is this mission, exactly, Hokage-sama?”

Her mouth was a thin line as she lowered her hands. It looked as if someone had placed too much weight on her shoulders, and she couldn’t seem to hold even her head up anymore. “Know this, Iruka. No one can know about this as a mission. If anyone asks me, it is your idea and your actions only. I cannot tell them differently, for your safety and ours.”

Unofficial missions were always the worst. Kakashi had been on a few, when he’d disappeared for weeks and then been unable to mention where he’d gone. There had been weeks of nightmares after those missions.

But what could he say? Tsunade had already said that whatever she wanted him to was most likely the best solution. That Sarutobi-sama had thought so. He may not yet know their current Hokage very well, but he trusted Sandaime explicitly. If this had been his plan, he could go with it. “What do I need to do, Hokage-sama?”

For the first time, her eyes looked sad. “I need you to defect from the village, convince Orochimaru you are joining him, and do whatever has to be done to stop the body transfer.”

There was a beat as what she said sunk into Iruka’s mind, during which he stared at her dumbly. He snapped his jaw shut audible. “What?”

Tsunade shuffled her papers again, waiting for…what, exactly, he didn’t know.

There had to be a level the Hokage could not ask you to go, and this HAD to be it. Leave his home, his students, his…everything…here? To what? To try and take on Orochimaru ALONE? Was this woman mad?

He closed his eyes and forced down his immediate panic to really think about what she wanted. She was asking him to convince Orochimaru that he was going to join him. Iruka had never, in his childhood, outright defied Orochimaru in the way that Anko had—that Hayate had when he’d gone to get Anko back.

All three of them had received spookily anonymous notes with detailed instructions on how to find their former sensei if they ever chose, but Iruka was the only one that might even seem plausible.

And it had to be him for the note to work. It required his blood.

And the point wasn’t even so much to defeat Orochimaru. If he got Sasuke away from the man, he would still be powerful, but it was a level of power they could deal with. Iruka held no illusions about his ability to kill the little boy who would so often stay late at the academy simply because he had nowhere else he needed to be. It would be unlikely, for a combination of reasons, that he could kill the boy.

But maybe he could make Sasuke understand that Iruka had seen this path, walked it himself, and knew where it would end. He had always been good at negotiating; it was one of his strongest points.

This was a desperate attempt, but a logical one. It maximized the results if successful, minimized the ninja risked to only himself, and still left opportunity for another strike if he failed.

And yet…”I can’t tell Naruto, or Kakashi, or anyone?”

Tsunade closed her eyes and gave the tiniest shake of her head. “The more people that know, the greater chance of it being leaked, however unintentionally. For your safety, we must make your departure as real as possible. You are well aware of the consequences if Orochimaru should discover your ruse.”

Iruka couldn’t help but shudder. Death would be the best he could hope for then. “You’ll be sending ANBU after me then?”

“Someone on the squad will know that this is a mission, though no details beyond that, to best assure your safety. However, he or she cannot prevent the others from stopping you, so I suggest you lose them as quickly as possible.” Godaime opened her eyes again, folding her arms below her chest. “I trust you’ll be able to think of something.”

He sure hoped so, although dying at the hands of his comrades certainly had some appeal over what would lie ahead of him. “Can I request Genma be the one in on the ruse, Hokage-sama? He and Kakashi have a good relationship. Kakashi will believe whatever it is Genma tells him, without the same need for proof he would demand of anyone else.”

Tsunade nodded, seeming to take this advice in to account.

The thought of leaving Kakashi behind like this nearly made Iruka choke on his own bile. They had been together almost eighteen months now, and knowing that he would be one more ghost for Kakashi to visit, if he even would after…it made his insides ache in a way they had not since he’d lost his parents. It was possible, probable, that once he left the village he would never see Kakashi again.

Iruka’s hands were shaking now.

How could he leave them all behind? Now, when he finally had someone to hold on to? When Naruto had just gotten back? They were his family, everything to him! Kakashi didn’t deserve this kind of pain in his life, after having lost so much. And Naruto…who would feed him now? Who would make sure to fix his hot water when someone sabotaged it, or make sure the boy had enough blankets? There was almost no one else in the village who would think, who would care, about the boy. How could he hurt them so badly, betray them?

And yet, to protect them, how could he not? He really was the best shot for success. “I will accept the mission, Hokage-sama.”

Her smile looked painful now, and there was something angry in her eyes that Iruka could not quite explain. “I knew you would.”

Reggie's Third Annual KakaIru Christmas Festival

2008-11-01T15:05:13Z

Just in case you missed it on the kakairu community....

Early? Probably. But trust me, we'll both need it! I've fallen back into the fandom to start this for the third year running (hooray for us), and this year I'm hoping to expand the participants and the readership. Care to come along for the trip?</lj>

Okay, this year’s festival is going to be so awesome, you'll wish Christmas came more than once a year! Well, maybe not, but you get the drift.
This year, we're going to have The 12/25 Days of Christmas Fic/Art Challenge, The Song Challenge, AND the Christmas Round-Robin game!

We'll start with the themes challenge, and this year it's better than ever!

The 12/25 Days of Christmas Fic/Art Challenge

Alright, as before, you can pick to do either 12 or 25 themes. The final fic/art in each series is to be posted no later than Christmas day, with one fic/art everyday (double posts are accepted if you will be to busy one or more days).
Not all stories/artworks have to have Kakashi and Iruka in them, but their relationship must be part of it. However you want to twist that is up to you.
Stories/Artworks can either be a series or just a bunch of one-shots, it's up to you.
As with previous years, the themes can be in any order that you like, they don’t necessarily (and probably shouldn’t) stay in the way I put them.
NO STORY/ART RECYCLING UNLESS IT HAS BEEN CLEARED WITH ME! I want as many new stories as possible :D.

Now, for the new stuff! As per vescas’s request, we're going to have more than one list this year! There will be three of them, in fact: Traditional, Sexy, and Bothersome. Each list, obviously, has its own theme and its own rules.

Traditional List: This is the list similar to what it's been in the past. Fics or Art can be rated G-PG-13 (please, nothing higher). The theme of this list is sort of cutesy, fluffy, happy Christmas stuff that you would picture from a Christmas Special.
Sexy List: This is for the more...mature (what a loose term that is XD! ) participants in the festival. Not all the themes in this list have to be smut, but all lend themselves to it (I think). Fic/Art can be any rating for this list, but make sure to label and post as all the rules imply.
Bothersome List: This one was specifically vesca idea. This is all the stuff about Christmas that even the most diehard fans of the holiday just have to find so very troublesome. These fics can also be any rating, but here I would prefer a G-PG-13 rating also, though it's not a requirement.
Mix and Match: You ARE allowed to make your own list from any combination of the available themes! However, I would appreciate it if you dropped a note to kxichristmasfestival at gmail dot com that told me what you were doing. You don't have, it's just for further research!

*Traditional List*	*Sexy List*	*Bothersome List*
Snowflakes	Champagne	Bah Humbug
Baking	Velvet	Blizzard
Hot Cocoa	Fires	Cold Snaps
Pajamas	Mistletoe	Late Gift Shopping
Lights	Red	Lonely
Santa	Warm Blankets	Ice
Christmas Tree	Santa Suits	Shopping Rush
Candy Cane	Green	Fattening Foods
Ice Skating	Sleigh Rides	Lines
Gingerbread	Candy Canes	Parties
Gift Exchange	Tinsel	Working Over the Holiday
Eggnog	Wrapping Paper	Bad Presents
Decorations	Gifts	Hyper Children
Family	Whipping Cream/Sugar	Jack Frost
Holiday Specials	Frosting	Holiday Specials
Christmas Dinner	White	Wet Socks
Pumpkin Pie	Scarf	Debt
Carols/Caroling	Mittens/Gloves	Hangovers/Intoxication
Christmas Eve	Lights	Flu Season
School Holidays	Snow	Gift Exchange
Sledding	Glitter	Unexpected Guests/Family
Wrapping Paper	Holly	Burnt Dinners
Parties	Garland	Traveling
Sprinkles	Silent Night	Advertisements
Hiding Presents	Candles	Christmas Songs

The Song Challenge

This year, I’m working things a little differently for the song challenge. As before, I want you to write a story of two chapters or more inspired by a Christmas song. This year, however, you can pick your own song! Please just be sure to post a link, or something, so that everyone can hear the song before reading. I’ve always found that helps the reading experience. Other than that, have fun with this one!

The KakaIru Christmas Round Robin

· The way I want to do this is a bit tricky, so if you’re interested, take notes!

· The first 25 people to sign up get to play. If you want to sign up send an e-mail (from an e-mail you check regularly) to kxichristmasfestival at gmail dot com . If you’re in the first 25 I’ll let you know and add you to the list.

· Starting on December 1^st, I’ll start the story and send it to the second person on the list. I will have given everyone the e-mail of the person after them (and ONLY that e-mail) a few days before that.

· The next person in line has 24 hours to make their post and e-mail to a) the next person in line and b) sent a courtesy copy back to kxichristmasfestival at gmail dot com (so that I can keep track of who has gone and who was simply too busy).

· If I don’t see an e-mail from that person at the end of 24 hours, we’ll skip their turn and I’ll forward the story to the next person on the list. When we reach the end of the list, we’ll start over.

Rules:

· The part of the story can be as long as you want it to be. The longer it is, the more enjoyable, I think.

· KEEP THIS ONE A PG-13 RATING! I am not comfortable writing smut, and don’t usually read it (although there are exceptions) and I’m certain I’m not the only one. So, to be polite to everyone’s sensibilities, keep this mild.

· If you are going to be gone a certain day, let me know in your sign up e-mail and I’ll be sure to arrange you in a spot on the list where, if everyone keeps their end of the deal, you shouldn’t have to write that day.

· If we don’t get 25 people signed up, we’ll either all write more posts or I’ll lengthen the amount of time before each post is due. We can discuss this later.

· THE LAST DAY TO SIGN UP IS GOING TO BE NOVEMBER 28^th. This way, I have a few days to prepare my list, get everyone the e-mail they will need and so on.

And that is Reggie’s 2008 KakaIru Christmas Festival! If you have an idea for something you want to do, or just questions in general, shoot an e-mail over to kxichristmasfestival at gmail dot com. I’ve set up that account just for this whole thing! I’m more than willing to talk with you about ideas, or answer questions.

Also, if anyone is interested, I’ll do a request picture for anyone that finishes this year! Of course, there is just the satisfaction of finishing…

So get your pens, pencils, and keyboards ready, the Holiday Season will soon be here!

Slash 100: 001. Beginnings

2008-10-29T23:12:53Z

A fun little one shot inspired by kiterie ’s drabble “Words”. I wanted to play with the chaos too. I’m getting really good at imitating things I like.

( I Are A Fake Cut )

Slash 100: 34. Not Enough

2008-10-27T20:47:02Z

A/N: I lost my kitten. I’m angsting. My fans benefit. Ironic. Inspired by the Sugarland song “Joey” from “Love on the Inside”. It’s a brilliant song, I recommend it. Also, same universe as Touch. Read that first.

I’ve gotten in to a habit of slightly more artistic one-shots lately. You guys should tell me whether or not you like it better.

034. Not Enough

All the sound in the world had frozen in place. Even the raindrops breaking against his window were muffled by the too loud silence.

She put the mug on the table, a lifeless thud of porcelain on wood, before moving to stand beside him. “You should drink something.”

“You took away my drinks.” He didn’t look at her, but continued to stare out into the mist that had muted all the colors in the world.

“I have hot chocolate. You can drink that. But no more alcohol. Not today.” She brushed the hair back from her face, collapsing bonelessly into the chair beside him. “This is too much, you know. You’re scaring people.”

Too much. “What do they expect me to do?” He raised one long finger, drawing idle spirals in the mist his breath created against the window. “What’s the right way to act, Anko? Pretend it didn’t happen? Get over it? It hasn’t been long enough. It’s not a picnic destroyed by bad weather.”

Anko followed his gaze out to the drizzling rain, frowning slightly. She was muffled too. “I don’t think it’s quit raining since he got back.”

“That’s too poetic.” A ghost smile, there and gone. “It always rains this time of year. We just usually don’t appreciate it. We don’t appreciate enough.”

Raindrops shattering against the window punctuated each silent sentence between them.

I didn’t appreciate enough all that he does.

I never thought this could happen to him. He was too good for something like this to happen.

If I had tried harder to keep him here, would this have happened? If I’d pushed him harder, would he have been able to dodge in time? If I’d said more how much I cared would he have tried harder to come back safe? If I’d pushed harder, if we’d broken up, would it hurt this much? If I’d backed off, didn’t love him so much, would it still hurt so much? If I’d gone with him, if I’d tried, if I’d shown interest, if I’d given him pointers, would it have been different?

If, the mantra of the dying drops. If, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, if…

“Kakashi,” Anko started, and then stopped. She worried her bottom lip a little, averting her eyes to the cooling cup on the table. “I don’t know what could have been different. It doesn’t matter anyway. You can’t change it.”

“No,” his voice was eerily lifeless, even for him. Dead as his insides. “But you wonder. You always wonder. Because it’s easier to blame something, isn’t it? Pretend we could have had control.”

She didn’t nod. She didn’t need to. “Sandaime always used to tell me that there were things I could change and things I could not, and I would be truly wise when I knew and accepted the difference. I hated to hear it.”

A laugh forced itself out as he exhaled. He wasn’t sure what it was mocking; Anko, himself, or the world at large.

Anko stood and trudged over to the mug. She took a sip, seeming to accept that he wouldn’t have any. “You’re not helping him, sitting here in the dark. He’s scared enough anyway.”

“I know.” And he did. Those eyes, staring at him, lifeless and so far gone out of his reach, as Tsunade explained what had happened were always floating, wraithlike, behind his eyelids. What had Iruka thought when he’d realized what it meant? Had he felt like Kakashi did now, like he was being told about someone else’s life instead of his own?

Shouldn’t he be feeling more than this? It should be devastating, but it wasn’t. It was fact, just like those raindrops.

The mug was placed by his hand on the windowsill. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing.”

Neither do I. “Pretending to be wise, I think. I can’t do anything about any of this.” All the power in the world, and it was not enough. Who’s power? It didn’t matter. Nobody had power in the face of death. His mother and father had not. Obito had not. A-ranked missing ninja, genin out of their depth, the lowliest citizen all had to bow to its call. Rin, Yondaime, Sandaime, Asuma, and Jiraiya had all fallen because they did not have power. Tsunade did not; the Copy-nin did not.

One lowly chuunin teacher on an ill-fated mission did not.

“I think it’s time for you to stop sulking about it, then.” Anko put her hands in the pockets of her coat, holding it a little closer to her body. A shield. “You’re going to have to face it sooner or later.”

He was facing it, he just couldn’t seem to see it. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe it was actually in another direction. “I don’t think I can be what he needs me to be. I don’t think I can be strong enough for both of us.”

Iruka had always been the strong one before. He’d felt, laughed, loved, been enough for both of them. Now he was dying, and Kakashi found that everything about him that he’d thought was strong could not measure up. He was a coward, a weak man hiding behind an illusion of being untouchable. Never had he felt so small, so cold.

Never, the rain changed its song. Never, never, never, never.

“You’re going to have to be.” She moved toward the door, leaving the mug to fade into coldness by his hand. “You’ll have to measure up or break. But you’re not the breaking kind, Kakashi. You’ll find a way to get through this, help him through this.”

The door shut with a loud scrape of wood on wood before the tomb-like silence was restored.

Never, never, never, never, never.

Tagg-ed

2008-03-06T01:57:19Z

I've gotta' talk about my own fics? Oh boy. Well, as most of them aren't TMNT, about half the people watching me won't know what I'm talking about. Oh well ^^;;.

1. Which is your favourite fic? At the moment? Oddly enough, Kingdom of Secrets. I don't think it'll ever get finished, but I love the idea still.

2. Which is your best-received fic? Pieces, by far.

3. Which is your worst-received fic? Not to sound braggy, but I've never had anyone complain about my writing. Ever. Which is odd, because I did suck once upon a time.

4. Which is your angsty-est fic? Which one ISN'T angsty is probably a better question.

5. Which is your funniest fic? Eeto...I think Sick Day is the one that still makes me laugh out loud.

6. Smuttiest? Uh...I've never written more than a kiss. So...I guess Pieces again, 'cause it has two kisses?

7. Fluffiest? Guh. Uh...The Perfect Christmas. NOTHING is fluffier than Christmas.

8. Have you ever made someone cry with a fic? I make it a goal :D.

9. Which fic frustrates you the most? Journey to Shangri-La. I have a cool idea for it, but I can NOT get the formatting to work with me!

10. Which fic was the most fun to write? Eee...Midnight at the Mission Desk. Mostly because I only had to write half of it.

11. Who is your favorite OC you've ever created? Er...I haven't created an OC in a LONG time. I guess my X-men character Tech would be my favorite though. She's fun.

12. Are you better at oneshot or multipart? One-shot, if only because I have a higher finishing rate ^_^;;

13. What character do you think you're the best at portraying? Leo and Iruka-sensei. They come naturally to me. Ever? Probably Tai from Digimon. When I wrote him, he and I were pretty much one and the same.

14.What character is the most difficult to portray? Mikey. He's giving me fits right now. Bad turtle, bad!

15. Tag five other authors!
Uh...whomever *shrugs*. I care not.

Reggie's 2nd Annual KakaIru Christmas Festival!

2007-11-30T14:22:07Z

Okay, guys, this isn't the place to learn the details about this. That's here.

This entry is for people to post links to their entries, so that Reggie can read them ALL. Mwhahahaha!

Slash 100: 95. Lies (Part I)

2007-11-11T21:48:41Z

I’m an idea klepto, I must admit. This one was inspired by Naruto’s end speech at the end of the second chapter of ‘Quarantine’ by HikariOmoi. You should read all the story, but that speech in particular was on the far-side of awesome.

This has been divided into (for the moment) two parts because it was getting to be way too long.

95. Lies (Part I)

It started because Anko and Kurenai were determined that Kakashi needed a girlfriend, and they were trying to convince him to go on a blind date.

Aside from the fact that Kakashi didn’t feel any desire to have a girlfriend- or any attachment to anyone really- he was particularly against blind dates. That was how he and GUY had met, after all, and he only needed one slightly-off-balance-but-mostly-harmless eternal rival thank you very much.

But between the two Kunoichi, who seemed to know an almost scary amount about him and his personal life, and the almost-help from Asuma (traitorous bastard), he was quickly running out of excuses. They’d already shot down the laundry, feeding the cat, feeding the neighbor’s cat, and helping little old lady excuses without even breaking a sweat.

“Come on, Kakashi…”

“Anko, I’ve told you, I can’t.”

“Well why not?”

“Because…” It was in this hour of desperate need that he got to the front of the cue to hand in mission reports, and saw Iruka smile at him. Now, Iruka smiled at everyone, but if he could twist it he might have something to work with. “Because I’m dating Iruka-sensei!”

He hadn’t meant for it to come out like that, and he internally winced. This was going to take some managing and lying through his teeth.

“Kakashi-sensei!” He heard Iruka yelp, and turned to look at him- to plead with him with his eyes to just play along for a little while. To his surprise, Iruka actually looked disappointed. Except for the small ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “You promised you wouldn’t tell anybody yet.”

Everyone was shocked by this response, no one more than Kakashi himself, but he recovered almost on instinct.

“I’m sorry, Iruka-kun, but they won’t stop hounding me about going on a date with someone. I was out of reasons, and only the truth would satisfy them.”

Iruka scowled, just the tiniest bit, at the use of ‘kun’ but said nothing, and Kakashi breathed a mental sigh of relief.

“Iruka you…you’re dating…Kakashi? And you didn’t tell me?” Anko looked hurt, which was quite impressive, but Iruka didn’t seem phased.

“So you could tell everyone and their summons? Not a chance, Anko.”

The terrible twosome left Kakashi alone after that, seeming to take Iruka at his word. Kakashi found himself hanging around in the mission office; getting caught up on the news by Genma, until Iruka’s shift was done. He grinned at the chuunin, scratching his neck apologetically.

“Sorry about using you like that, Iruka-sensei. I really was out of ideas, and that was the first thing that came in to my head when I saw you smile at me.”

Iruka shrugged, carefully balancing a stack of paperwork in his arms. “Don’t mention it. I heard them pestering you when you guys first came in. I know first hand how awful some of the girls they set people up with can be, and figured I should help a fellow shinobi in need.”

Kakashi had laughed then, thanking Iruka once more for going along with it before walking away, and quickly putting the incident behind him.

The Jounin forgot it completely, in fact, until nearly a month later when he was out drinking. More specifically, he was watching everyone else he knew get stone drunk and laughing at them secretly while he drank water at lightening speed.

The only other person in the bar that didn’t seem interested in forgetting his own name was Iruka. The man looked like he’d been forced there by some colleagues, and was attempting to grade essays in the dim light while being tormented by Genma and sipping a virgin strawberry daiquiri.

Seeing how Iruka was blushing, Kakashi moved in so he could hear.

“…it’ll be great fun, ‘Ruka! You, me, and Raidou, altogether.”

“I told you, Genma, I’m not interest in a threesome with you, or anybody else for that matter.”

Kakashi made a face no one could really see. He may read porn, but the idea of actually trying to be intimate with more than one person at a time was not really appealing.

“Why not? S’not like you have a girlfriend to be loyal to or anything.” Genma took another swig of whatever he was drinking, somehow managing to drink and swallow with the senbon still in his mouth, before he spoke rather thoughtfully. “You know what I bet. I bet you’re still a virgin, ‘Ruka-sensei.”

“What?” Iruka squawked, his voice going shrill. He looked embarrassed, and switched to a hissing whisper. “Genma, I am not.”

“Oh, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, Iruka-kun, if you haven’t become a man…”

“Shut UP, Genma! I’ll have you know that I have a bed partner and I don’t feel like sharing, that’s all.”

Genma’s ears perked up at that, looking intrigued at the gossip potential. “Oh, really? Who? You have to tell me.”

Iruka looked in Kakashi’s direction, shooting him a desperate look, but said without hesitation. “Hatake Kakashi.”

Kakashi momentarily choked on air as Genma’s eyes grew round.

“You and…and Kakashi?”

“Of course, is something wrong with that?” Iruka was looking at him pleadingly again, and Kakashi found himself remembering how Iruka had put his reputation on the line for him before. One good turn…

“Well, Kakashi’s a Jounin and you…”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Genma,” Kakashi walked over, putting his hands on Iruka’s shoulders in feigned support and leaned forward so he could narrow his eye menacingly at the special Jounin. “What are you doing to upset my Iruka?”

Genma looked visibly startled, and muttered a quick excuse before fleeing. Iruka sighed in relief, and Kakashi opted to take the seat Genma had just vacated.

“I don’t know why he thinks my private life is any of his business,” the chuunin muttered, marking a paper particularly viciously with his blue pen.

“We’re ninja,” Kakashi explained cheerfully. “We think everything is our business.”

Iruka chuckled. “Thanks for that. Now everyone is going to think you’re sleeping with a lowly chuunin.”

“You’re not lowly, and anyway, it’s better than sleeping with another Jounin if you ask me. We’re a messed up bunch; I wouldn’t want to see us in pairs.”

Iruka smiled at him appreciatively, taking a sip of his drink. “You know, we’ve pretty much sealed our doom. Between Anko and Genma, everyone in the village is going to know we’re going out. Or think they know we’re going out.”

Kakashi frowned. He had a point.

“But, maybe it’s not such a bad thing,” Iruka continued thoughtfully. “I don’t really want a relationship, and I’m guessing neither do you.”

Kakashi nodded in agreement. “Relationships are more trouble than they’re worth.”

“As long as we’re in agreement that this is just pretend, I think we can use this as a permanent excuse to get everyone off our backs.”

The Jounin liked the sound of this and said so, causing the chuunin’s grin to broaden further.

“All we need to do is make sure that no one catches on that we’re lying.”

“How are we going to do that?”

“Make up a back-story, of course,” Iruka explained patiently. “You read romance novels. You know that everyone has to have first time they met, first kiss, first date, first time you slept together stories. We need to make sure ours match when Anko and Genma decide to ask.”

“They aren’t romance, they’re erotica,” Kakashi pouted. Iruka ignored him.

“So, do you have any ideas for our first meeting?”

“Why not the truth? When you came to confront me on failing Naruto only to find out I passed him?”

Iruka rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Yeah, but that’s not romantic. Isn’t it supposed to be?”

Kakashi stared at him lazily. “I don’t know. I think so.”

“It probably should be, just to err on the side of caution.” The brunette chuunin frowned, nibbling on the cap of his pen with his top teeth, obviously deep in thought. “Do you like hot springs, Kakashi-sensei?”

“Yes,” the Copy-ninja grinned a little. “And if we’re dating, shouldn’t it be just ‘Kakashi’?”

Iruka blushed, looking down at the tabletop and muttered something that sounded like ‘I didn’t think about that’ before looking up again. “Alright, so we met at the hot springs.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Well, there has to be an and! I wouldn’t date just any guy I saw at the hot springs.”

“Why don’t you come up with your own and then?”

“Because the stories need to match! Besides, would you date just any guy you saw in a mask at the hot springs?”

“You even wear your mask at the…” Iruka smacked his forehead. “Of course! Everyone is going to be bothering me to know what your face looks like.”

“So tell them it’s a plain face, nothing really special about it.”

“No one will believe me if I say that.”

“Why not? It’s the truth.”

Iruka stared at him for several long minutes and Kakashi shifted uncomfortably. “Um…I promise it’s the truth?”

Iruka shrugged, sticking the pen partway pack in his mouth again. “Alright, so while we were at the hot springs we obviously had to talk for some reason…”

“Maybe I saw you with your hair down and had to apologize because I thought I’d walked in to the woman’s bath by mistake?”

Iruka shot him a glare that would have sent Ibiki crying for his mother. “Aren’t. You. Precious.”

Kakashi gulped quietly. “I was only kidding…”

“Right. So, we could use one when you were bested by a bar of soap that you slipped on and you fell in my lap? It could even be special ANBU level soap if you’d like.”

Kakashi’s eye narrowed and he opened his mouth to protest, but then thought better of it. If Anko was to be believed, and you could usually trust her to be right for all her gossiping, Iruka knew ways to make his life miserable. If all Iruka wanted to do was embarrass him a little by saying he’d slipped on a bar of soap, he should consider himself lucky. “Yeah, we can go with that.”

Iruka looked at him in surprise. “Really?”

“Sure. As long as I can claim I did it on purpose because I thought you were attractive.”

Kakashi watched, somewhat amused, as a tinge of red spread across the chuunin’s cheeks.

“You can’t say that!”

“Why not?”

“Because people will think you li-“ Iruka stopped, realizing his mistake as Kakashi grinned at him. “Oh. Right. Okay, you can say that if you want to.”

“Thanks.”

Iruka took a deep breath, calming himself down. “Okay, so we met at the hot springs when you slipped and fell in my lap.”

“And I started flirting with you…”

“To try and decrease your embarrassment…”

“And I ended up asking you out.”

The chuunin smiled at him, obviously amused. “That should satisfy them, don’t you think?”

“I like it.”

“Alright, so our first date was…”

“Something neutral. I vote nothing special. Dinner and a movie.”

“Okay, but how did you impress me?”

“Impress you?”

“Well, sure. I wouldn’t have gone on a second date with you if you didn’t impress me the first time.”

Kakashi frowned, deep in thought. “How about I told you good stories? I can tell you some pretty funny stories about my team…and the other Jounin. I’ve got a few really good ones that I’m the only one that was sober enough to remember.”

Iruka laughed, and Kakashi couldn’t help but grin at the infectious sound. “Alright, that sounds fair- so long as I get to really hear a few.”

“Deal.”

“Great. First kiss?”

Kakashi frowned. They’d have to have actual details for this one. “How about after the third date?”

“Fifth date.”

“Why so long?”

“Because I don’t want to look like I’m easy.”

“You look like a prude this way.”

“I like that better.”

“Suite yourself.”

“And I want to start it.”

“What?”

“So far you’ve taken the incentive in this relationship. I want to start something. It’s only fair.” Iruka looked away, watching Izumo and Kotetsu as they burst out in a terribly off-key rendition of ‘If I Were a Jounin’.

“Well, how did you get my mask off?”

“It’s not like it’s glued to your face. I could just pull it down.”

“And I’m just going to let you?”

“Well, yeah,” Iruka was looking at him again, and his brown eyes flashed dangerously. “Wouldn’t you want to kiss me? Or me to kiss you?”

“Of course I would,” Kakashi said hastily. “I already said you’re attract-“

He stopped, and Iruka stared at him as an awkward silence stretched between them. Kakashi shifted again; glad that the mask could hide his blush. Yes, he thought Iruka was attractive- his darker coloring gave him a powerful exotic look that the Copy-nin liked- but he never had any intention of acting on that attraction. He found a lot of people attractive. It didn’t make Iruka special.

But most of the people he found attractive he wasn’t planning and elaborately false relationship with.

Iruka took another long draft of his drink, and then frowned at it like it had done something wrong. Kakashi could almost hear the chuunin thinking ‘Why is there no alcohol? I’m not drunk enough for this’ and he shifted again.

Iruka was still frowning at his half-empty glass as he spoke. “What kind of toothpaste do you use?”

Kakashi blinked at him. “Pardon?”

“The first thing Anko will want to know is what you taste like. What kind of toothpaste do you use?”

“Lemon.”

Iruka looked up at him, one eyebrow raised. “Interesting choice.”

Kakashi shrugged noncommittally. “You?”

“Vanilla mint.”

“I would have guessed that.”

“I wouldn’t have thought lemon.”

“What would you have guessed?”

“Spearmint.”

“I used to use that. Then Guy came up with a tooth brushing contest. I got so sick of the flavor I had to switch.”

Iruka rewarded him with a smile, and finally put down his glass. “And now, because Genma will want to know…”

“With details.”

“Right.”

They stared at each other for a long moment.

“You can start this one too if you’d like, Iruka.”

“I honestly don’t think I’d have the courage to start anything. Even if I did, no one would believe you.”

“By that logic, then, you also have to be the uke in this relationship.”

He could see Iruka bristling from across the table. “I am NOT submissive.”

Kakashi held up his hands in a defensive position. “I didn’t say you were. I was just saying your logic would allow for it.”

Iruka relaxed slightly. “That is something we need to address, though. I’m not an uke.”

“Well, neither am I.” Kakashi scowled, resisting the urge to fold his arms across his chest like a petulant child.

“We,” the blush was slowly creeping across the younger man’s face again, “we could take turns…”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, and Iruka’s blush deepened as he rushed to explain.

“I don’t mean like I’m top Monday, Wednesday, and Friday while you get the rest of the week. I mean, we could say it just…depends…on what feels right at the time.”

Kakashi tried, with partial success, to keep the leer out of his voice. “Are you suggesting an equal relationship?”

Iruka looked uncomfortable, but his voice was firm. “Yes. I am.”

“Alright then.”

“Where?”

“How about my bed? The sheets are blue, if Anko asks.”

Iruka nodded slowly. “That sounds good. Do you have things you…uh…like to do or…spots I should know about?”

Kakashi reflected that this was the most awkward conversation he’d ever had. “I don’t like kinky things, if that’s what you mean. Too many missions for that. As for sensitive spots I…ah…I have a few scars on my chest and stomach that are especially sensitive. That’s it, really.”

Iruka drained his glass and stood. “That should be enough for Genma. Lets see if we can pull this off, shall we?”

“Now, wait a minute! I get to ask you the same questions.”

“I…” Iruka stared fixedly at his papers as he gathered them. “What ever you make up for me is fine. I don’t actually know the answers.”

“So, you really are a virgin?” Kakashi asked, obviously surprised.

There was a smile on Iruka’s face as he looked at the Jounin, but his eyes were cold. “That depends on your definition.” And then he was gone.

Slash 100: 93. Break Up

2007-11-11T21:45:30Z

Inspired by the songs ‘Go With Her’ by Toby Keith and ‘Lets Be Us Again’ by Lonestar. Excellent songs. You should all listen to them! Also inspired by Nayru for her story ‘The Right Way’ and it’s chapter of just after the Chuunin exams. So, this is for her!

93. Break-up

Iruka looked at the Jounin lounging on his couch, and couldn’t stop himself from twitching ever so slightly. “Kakashi-san, what are you doing in my apartment?”

“Maa, Iruka, you said I could stop by whenever I wanted to.”

Iruka growled, dropping his bag of scrolls by the door and kicking off his sandals. “That was before I learned what a bastard you could be and broke-up with you. Or did you conveniently forget that? Again.”

“Oh, I didn’t forget! I’m just not letting you do it.”

The brunette chuunin made a noise that was part growl, part indignant squawk. He wanted to throw a weapon at the other man, but the sharp pain in his shoulder, a reminder of yesterday when he'd also found the Jounin in his apartment, told him it was a bad idea to try it again.

In fact, coming home and finding Kakashi sitting more than comfortably on his couch had been happening to Iruka ever since they day of the Chuunin exams. He’d told Kakashi that if he was going to treat him like that, humiliate him in front of their colleagues than he wanted nothing to do with the Copy-nin. And it had hurt; because he was really starting to get attached to the man he’d been dating for four months, but he’d managed to kick the bewildered Jounin out.

Only to have to do it again the next day, and again the day after that, and everyday for more than two months now. It still hurt every time, too.

Iruka sighed, slumping down in his chair and putting a hand over his eyes. “You live to make my life miserable, don’t you?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then why are you still here? I told you, Kakashi-san, we’re done. I won’t be your…your play thing. Something to use only when it’s convenient for you.”

Kakashi sat up, a frown crossing his masked face. “Is that what you think?”

“Think? Think! Kakashi…san…I KNOW it. You treated me like a child that had spoken out of turn or a misbehaving puppy. Certainly not like your peer or your…your…”

“I believe lover is the word you’re looking for.”

Iruka snorted. “I was thinking boyfriend, but lover works just as well. You certainly didn’t afford me that much respect either.”

Kakashi sighed, running his hand through his hair. “Look, I’ll admit I could have handled that situation better. I was upset that you were calling me out in front of everyone.”

“I wasn’t even talking directly to you! Asuma and Kurenai were just as included as you were. But they didn’t feel the need to humiliate me!”

“Yes, you’ve made it quite clear that’s what I did. But that wasn’t…”

“Why are you really here?” Iruka demanded, finally lifting his hand to look at the other man. “What is it you want? Because I’m tired of this. I’m tired of going through this every day. I just, I can’t take it anymore, Kakashi. It hurts too much.”

The Jounin looked at him sadly before slowly putting away his book. “I’ve been trying to tell you. I’m sorry.”

Iruka blinked at him, surprised. “You’re what?”

“I’m sorry. I never meant to treat you like that. It was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

“You…”

“And the reason I’ve been here every day? Because I can’t let you go. I don’t want to; not over something stupid like that. I care about you too much, and I won’t let you leave me. I need you. I’ll do anything to make it up to you, ‘Ruka. And if it hurts you to have me here, then I’ll leave. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. But if you can stand me, even a little bit, please don’t make me go.”

“It’s not having you here that hurts, Kakashi,” Iruka sighed, burying his face in his hands again. “It’s making you leave when I just want you to stay. But I can’t stay in a relationship where I know the other person can hurt me without a second thought. I just can’t.”

Kakashi knelt in front of him, taking Iruka’s hands in his own. “I didn’t realize it would hurt you. That was stupid, and I should have thought but I didn’t. If I would have realized, I wouldn’t have said those things.” The Jounin stood up and placed a gentle, cloth-covered kiss on Iruka’s forehead. “If you change your mind, I’ll still be here.”

With one last surprisingly gentle squeeze of Iruka’s fingertips, the Jounin turned and walked out the door.

Slash 100: 28. Touch

2007-11-11T21:34:32Z

I’ve always meant to do a full long story based on this idea, but I really doubt I’ll ever get around to it. This scene, though, I felt was too great to go completely to waste. So, look, a convenient story line for my Slash 100. Whee!

…Yes, the poison is supposed to be the Naruto world equivalent to HIV.

Additional Disclaimer: This was partly inspired by Rent, and written while listening to it. So, if it seems influenced that way, that’s why.

028. Touch

Iruka ran his hands under the warm water, watching idly as the white bubbles swirled around the gaping drain his sink. They were spinning with no control until they reached the inevitable end and disappeared.

The thought was close enough to his own life that Iruka shuddered.

His last mission had gone well enough, when you looked at it on paper. He’d successfully disposed of his target and gotten the documents he’d been sent for, returning in a timely fashion. It would get a mission completed stamp on it.

What would go over looked by the chuunin at the desk who would file it away would be the report of Iruka being poisoned, and the cure unable to be found. It was a poison unique to the country he’d been traveling in. The poison itself would not kill him, but instead would destroy his immune system, and something as simple as a cold or an infected paper cut would be his undoing.

Tsunade could do nothing to fix it, only slow down the inevitable, and give him more time. In the end, though, it wouldn’t matter. He would die from this.

Worse than that, though, was how contagious the poison was. It lived in his blood, and if anyone somehow got any of his body-fluids inside themselves, it would get them too.

For the most part, this wasn’t a problem, but…Kakashi. All the things they’d been in the past, it was over now. They could never be like that again. There would always have to be a barrier between them, be it skin or something else.

Iruka could feel that familiar clenching in his chest at the thought of how this must be affecting his lover, but he looked up at the mirror with dry eyes.

Kakashi was going to have to watch him die. There was nothing the Jounin could do; no way he could fight this.

It was completely unfair, and Iruka had tried several times since Tsunade’s diagnosis when he’d returned, two weeks ago, to push Kakashi out of his life. To let his beloved Kakashi go so he wouldn’t have to have any more pain in his life.

Every time he’d tried, the words had gotten caught by this familiar ache in his chest—the kind that could be cried out if he had the tears to cry.

All his tears seemed to have disappeared after Tsunade had promised him that his name would go on the stone, regardless of the fact that he would be going on no more missions.

He looked up at the mirror, his brown eyes seeking out those in his reflection. He could see in them the same confusion and anger now burning in his stomach. The same hatred he felt as he thought that Kakashi would still be coming back to him.

‘You always said you’d do anything to help him,’ Iruka heard his own voice mock in his head. ‘You said you loved him. You don’t, or you’d let him go now. Spare him your weakness, because you failed as a shinobi. It is you’re punishment, and you’re too scared to even face it alone, like you deserve.’

As the brown eyes continued to stare at him, to judge him for being such a weak shinobi he couldn’t let go of a loved one, Iruka lost all control of his already raw emotions. He needed to make the voice stop, make those eyes stop staring. Furious, he did the only thing he could think to do. He punched them.

The glass shattered instantly under his chakara filled fist, with pieces of the mirror clawing into his skin in retaliation. He didn’t care, but continued to mercilessly pound the mirror with first his fists and then just hitting it with his palms until both his hands were raw and bleeding and all that was left of the mirror was a handful of shards on the ground.

Only then, it seemed, was he able to cry. The tears started falling with the last piece of glass, breaking against the ground with it. Once started, they didn’t stop. He sunk to the ground, his hands leaving twin bloody trails along the white tile on the wall, as his body shook with uncontrollable sobs.

The front door opened and shut again. “Iruka, you home?”

Kakashi. He couldn’t let Kakashi see him like this. Couldn’t let his lover see how weak he was. Iruka tried to stifle his sobs, but it seemed the harder he tried to control them the louder they got.

“Iruka? Are you alright?” Kakashi was getting closer now.

He feebly tried to hide his bleeding hands under his arms, smearing blood on his white shirt. “D-don’t…”

Too late. He heard the Jounin freeze in the doorway, seeming unable to comprehend what he was seeing, before he darted into the small space with a curse and crunch of glass. He knelt by his lover’s side.

“What happened, Iruka?”

Honestly, he couldn’t say even if he wanted to. How was he supposed to explain to Kakashi how badly he wanted to let him go, to spare him the pain, but selfishly couldn’t do it. Because he was frightened of facing this all alone.

The Jounin grabbed Iruka’s upper arms in a gentle but firm grip, pulling his shredded hands into view. He cursed, seeing the damage that had been done, and reached to remove the glass.

Iruka jerked his hands back in a near panic. “Don’t touch it! If it gets in you’ll die! Don’t touch it; don’t touch me, Kakashi, please!”

The pain he saw in Kakashi’s visible eye was enough to cause the pent up tears to fall faster, breaking against the ground with a tiny splash when they hit. As he’d thought, the crying had unleashed the words that had gotten caught in his chest, and they came tumbling out to break as well.

“Please, Kakashi, leave me alone. I’m going to die, we both know that, and I don’t want you to suffer for my mistakes! I couldn’t stand if…if you got sick…if…”

Kakashi watched him in silence for a while before getting to his feet and heading towards the door.

Iruka’s hands slid along the floor, leaving crimson trails, as he tried to hold onto something to keep him from reaching out for the man he loved as he walked out the door. The chuunin squeezed his eyes shut, grinding his teeth together to try and keep the agonized sobs inside.

He’d done it, and so what if Kakashi had been so ready to walk out on him. It was better this way. It was…

More crunching of glass, and soft fabric on his face. Iruka snapped his eyes open to find Kakashi, now maskless and with his Sharingan uncovered—but with his ANBU gloves on—kneeling in front of him again.

The Jounin sought out his lover’s eyes with both his own, holding his gaze and refusing to let him look away. “I will not abandon you. There’s no one in the world that deserves this less than you do, and if you think I’m going to leave you to suffer alone…”

Iruka tried to protest, but the gloved hand placed firmly over his mouth to try and calm his erratic breathing prevented more than a muffled strangled sob from escaping.

Kakashi removed his hand from Iruka’s mouth, and used it to brush the bangs hanging in Iruka’s face away. The older man’s mismatched eyes were so soft, sad, and filled with pain that a fresh wave of tears found their way into an existence with a shaky sob that tore Iruka’s raw throat.

“I know you want to push me away,” Kakashi whispered, using his gloved thumb to wipe away some of the tears, “and I know why. But please, ‘Ruka, don’t. I can’t bear to see you hurting so badly. Don’t make me just sit back and watch you suffer.”

“You can’t help me,” Iruka’s voice was bitter as he finally looked away from his lover’s eyes, pretending to himself that his blurry vision is what caused him to think he saw tears in both of Kakashi’s eyes. “This is something we can’t fight.”

“We can try. Iruka, it’s not like you to just give up. Please don’t start now.”

“Why not?” He didn’t fight it as Kakashi pulled him close to his chest, and simply tried to resist the urge to cling to him with his sliced up hands. “Tsunade said I could have as little as weeks…”

“And that you could have as much as years. In either case, do you want to spend however long you have left in a state of misery? Do you think I want you to suffer like that? Wouldn’t it be so much better to hold on a fight for the happy moments you can have?”

Iruka laughed, a wet almost sob like sound. “I don’t want you to suffer because of me.”

“I won’t, as long as you let me stay beside you. I know it will be hard. I know it’s going to hurt when you…” Iruka could feel it as Kakashi’s voice caught in his throat, and the Jounin swallowed hard. “But I would rather be beside you, suffering with you, than forced away and suffering all the more because I can’t be where I belong.”

The brunette was clinging to Kakashi now, ignoring the pain in his mutilated hands. “I’m scared, ‘Kashi. Scared of accidentally causing you to suffer the same fate because I was stupid, careless…like today. Scared of leaving you, and Naruto, and everyone I care about. Scared of what’s going to happen when I…when I die.”

Kakashi’s chest stilled under his face for a moment as the Jounin inhaled sharply at the word, before slowly letting it out. One of his gloved hands found its way up to rest on the back of Iruka’s head, holding him in place as the Jounin rested his bare chin on his beloved’s head and lead him sob into his chest.

“I’m scared too, ‘Ruka.”

Surprised, the chuunin jerked back to stare up into his lover’s face. He could not deny the twin tracks of tears slowly sliding down the pale cheeks.

“I would die to protect you, and it scares me that I can. Do. Nothing.” Kakashi clenched his fists on his lap and his eyes shut tight as more tears fell. “I’m scared of going on without you there to help me when it’s all too much. Scared that I won’t be able to go back to how I used to be now that you’ve taught me how to really live.”

Those eyes opened again, and Iruka found himself captivated by the whirling spirals in the crimson orb, and the deep raw pain in the dark blue.

Kakashi’s voice was even as he spoke, no matter how fast the tears fell down his bare face. “But I would suffer this a thousand times over rather than never have you. Never,” the Jounin reached out his gloved hand, running it over the side of Iruka’s face, “never touch you again…never hold you…I couldn’t do that. Not now that I have you. I’m not going to let you go, ever. You’ll always live with me.”

Iruka was going to ask, anger rising like bile in his throat, how that was even possible when Kakashi carefully grabbed the chuunin’s wrist and pulled the bloodied hand up to his chest and rested it over the Jounin’s own racing heart.

“As long as this still exists, I promise you that I will not forget you and everything you mean to me. You’ve changed me…so much…Ru-my-ru. And the Gods themselves will not be able to take that from me.”

Iruka closed his eyes, resting his head so his ear was against Kakashi’s chest, the steady rhythm soothing for the moment the fears that were tearing his soul apart. “And I will never leave from right here, no matter what happens. I promise.”

Character Five Meme

2007-07-23T22:48:38Z

Stole this from trunks_angelagain ^^;;

Give me a character (from any of my fandoms) and a question/situation and I will see what my brain comes up with for five sentances on the selected topic.

kairukashi @ 2007-07-23T16:45:00

2007-07-23T22:45:20Z

From
trunks_angel

01. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
02. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
03. You will post the answers to the questions (and the questions themselves) on your blog or journal.
04. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
05. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. And so on and so on and so on...

1) Which of the turtles do you love most and why?

I have always, and will always, love Donatello the very best. He's the softest spoken and probably sweetest of the turtles, with a little bit of all his brother's in him. He's got Leo's level head, the ability to keep up with Mikey and be just as goofy as he is, and (if you watch closely enough) a temper to match Raph's if you set it off.

Donnie wants to help his family, he wants to be important, he's...well, in a lot of ways, he's exactly like me. Which I find ironic because as a little girl I would have given anything to be Donnie XD.

2) What is your favourite TV series and why?

At the moment it's TMNT, because Halo-neesan got me in to it XP. No, actually, it's because the plot is engaging and interesting, with multi-dimensional characters, and some of the best lines ever XD. But Naruto is still right up there, for much the same reasons...actually, all the same reasons....*thinks about it* Actually, that's why I like all the shows I like. Huh.

3) What is your biggest ambition?

To be a fantasy novelest. I'm going to write the greatest set of fantasy novels anybody has ever seen. They'll be witty, enganging, and so off the main-stream that they'll HAVE to get attention.

4) If you could rule any part of the world, which would it be?

Hm...that's tricky....XD I say I'd rule England. I love the history, the culture, the climate, the landscape...Everything about it, really. And, I'd get to see my friends all the time! I like that idea.

5) If you could be a superhero, what would you call yourself?

Oooh, oooh, I know this one! I'd be Tech. She's an X-men character I invented. She 'talks' to machines by reading the electric impulses. She can use any machine she can touch.

Heh, try and tell me I'm not like Donnie...